Thursday, March 27, 2014

Part of Growing Up?

Spot on! Life purpose and life partner are the two things in the world that consistently keep people anxious. At least according to another good friend of mine. It’s true to the bone, especially if I can refer it to my current situation now. The more I grew up, I have less time thinking about “looking good”, and more time to think about career, and maybe life partner.

I considered myself very lucky to be where I am now, or else, very blessed. Without thinking much about what I wanted to do in life after college, not knowing what I might encounter in the job, I decided to go with my current one. To my surprise, it gave me meaning, passion, helped me develop my vision, network, good friends, new values, perspective and a lot more, so to say. Yes, I do enjoy each and every detail of it, I fell in love –a feeling I thought I would never discover in one occupation.

When people told me, “Love what you do, and you don’t need to work for the rest of your life” –it now resonates, and feels so amazing. To be able to love working, keep churning your brain to innovate and brainstorm ideas, serve people and feel great about it, those are things I thought were bullshit considering my previous state of life –the fact I don’t have any specialty in doing anything, all I have is intrinsic motivation and can-do-spirit (aka target oriented), which won’t be enough to compete with the ambitious market.

So I guess it’s a pretty decent job, no? Well, yes, with some exclusion. Everything comes with plusses and minuses, this one included. I have no strong judgment on quitting, but some do. Some people I trust and some who have better judgment than I do. Will I be able to survive with the same challenge for more, or not? Again, I am not sure.

Will I ever be able find something I care and love more than what I have right now? Hell, no, I can’t give you an answer. Should I leave or should I stay? I am doubtful.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Kok Bisa?

Sometimes you just want to enjoy life with a positive mindset: no complaints whatsoever. You just eat, sleep, work and be happy. But what happened when you can't sleep for two days in a row? I don't want to let it eat me out, but I guess I am now affected. Dangerous signs?

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Random Thoughts in the Middle of Working

A guy friend once told me, that he would only consider a person to be his partner when he could vision living for the rest 50 years of his life with her. I would call it, 'no date for fun', put simply. But is it true? Can we be like that?

As I said, I don't want to date for fun either, I do think of long term relationship, but can we picture our future so instantly? The fact that we date someone is definitely because we want to get to know the person, right? 

Does 'love at first sight' even exist? I doubt it, really. I mean, definitely, there people who I met for the first time, and I would just blabber a lot of things to him/her because I felt comfortable. From that, the feelings could only grow --which I know. But then, did I fall for the person instantly? Maybe. 

I actually don't know what kind of conclusion I am trying to figure out of this topic. I am just seriously wondering if someone asks for you to be in a relationship because he/she is serious about long term with you. 

Ha ha ha ha. Random thoughts, please forgive me.

Monday, March 24, 2014

All of Me

What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,oh
Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohh

Untuk perempuan yang sedang dalam pelukan...

Tak terasa gelap pun jatuhDiujung malam menuju pagi yang dinginHanya ada sedikit bintang malam iniMungkin karena kau sedang cantik-cantiknya
Lalu mataku merasa maluSemakin dalam ia malu kali iniKadang juga ia takutTatkala harus berpapasan ditengah pelariannya
Di malam hariMenuju pagiSedikit cemasBanyak rindunya

Sunday, March 23, 2014

And another dining experience...

You made my Sunday :3

Perfect Sunday

This is how a great Sunday should look like: wake up late, get ready to cook, cook lunch with good friend with nice music and have lunch together with even nicer music, celebrate life and converse about it.

Even the post-lunch activity aka washing dishes feels really good as long as you have good companion and music!!!!

Starting a family?

Is it weird to feel great washing dishes after you cook? Okay, I laughed at myself just now. Nothing special happened, really, but this Sunday is just too perfect to be true. Maybe it's the companion, or the lazy day, or the activity, I just know everything feels great! Call me weird, but I washed the dishes feeling awesome! I love this! 

And to that, Faela said, "You are just ready to settle down, start a family." Hahaha, yeah, maybe she's right. This is how I would enjoy Sunday: waking up late to cook for your loved ones, cleaning up your place, staying lazy and laid back, listening to Jack Johnson's Banana Pancakes and staying home all day before going to church. Huaaa, if only Sunday could always feel this great!

I really want to have my own Studio! And perhaps someone to share it with :D Haha

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Good Heart

"Good people attract good people. Good hearts attract good hearts."

It is always amazing to meet this dear friend of mine, Faelasufa. She's just unbelievably kind and witty. You can't describe with words, but you know she just has this big and kind heart, and so she always met people with even greater kindness, friends with sincere and pure hearts. 

To her, the only reason, was the belief she has: good people attract good people, and good hearts attract good hearts --something that really resonates now in my head, over and over again. How true is that saying, actually?

To good to be true, indeed. Every time she tells me about her nice friends, with unbelievable kindness that you wouldn't be able to relate, I just know how much truth lies in the saying. You just can't deny it. "Be good," she would say. 

Friday, March 21, 2014


Menjadi pragmatis itu semudah berkata, "Kalau kamu pindah kerja, cari yang gajinya paling besar, karena kalau kamu nggak suka sama bosnya, kamu akan melihat slip gaji dan merasa tenang."

Benarkah begitu? Selama ini saya selalu disibukkan dengan pemikiran-pemikiran tentang jenjang karir (career path), passion, impact, company culture and values, personal development opportunity, dan tentunya pasti benefit. Tapi justru benefit itu bukan prioritas utama dalam agenda. Kenyamanan terhadap nilai-nilai yang diperjuangkan di satu kantor itu justru yang memegang peranan penting bagi saya. Karena pada akhirnya, kantor adalah sebuah interaksi, tempat di mana kita menghabiskan sebagian besar waktu dalam hidup kita, bertumbuh dan berkembang di dalamnya. 

Hanya karena alasan itulah, merasa nyaman dengan nilai-nilai yang ada, dengan budaya yang diterapkan menjadi sangat penting, karena tentunya kita tidak akan mau memilih tempat yang membuat kita merasa gerah, asing, dipermalukan, dianiaya, dsb. Kita ingin tinggal dan bekerja di tempat yang memberikan kenyamanan tertentu --kenyamanan yang cukup untuk merangsang produktivitas dan ide-ide kreatif.

Tapi, lagi-lagi, itu jadi kelemahan saya yang saya sadari akhir-akhir ini. Bahwa idealisme saya mungkin tidak dapat (mungkin tidak akan pernah) diterapkan mentah-mentah di realita. Mungkin tidak ada argumentasi yang melatarbelakanginya, saya hanya merasa terlalu mengawang-awang, abstrak, dan (kadang) sama sekali tidak pragmatis. Saya kurang bisa melihat realitas yang ada, dan terlalu sering berkutat pada pemikiran saya saja, yang sebenarnya kalau dipikir-pikir hanya menyusahkan kepala dan hidup saya sendiri. 

Padahal, dengan kesempatan-kesempatan yang datang bergulir, saya dengan mudah pindah kerja. Apalagi kalau mengikuti saran teman seperti yang dikutip di atas. Tapi kenapa saya tidak mudah puas dengan pernyataan itu? Mengapa saya menyibukkan otak saya bertanya-tanya mengenai segala urusan-urusan yang mungkin bagi sekian orang tidak begitu penting?

Bukankah itu hanya merepotkan? Dan bukankah itu hanya menyusahkan? Toh, jawabannya belum saya temukan ketika menjadi seorang idealis? Dan apakah orang dengan modal seperti saya ini pantas jadi idealis? 

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Always The Same Question

The question “what is it that you want?” bothers you each and every day, without helping you even a bit to eventually find what you are looking for in life. I ask myself the very same question every single day of my life, and still ended up feeling confused. We all know the theory of life: that we can’t have it all, there are things we need to sacrifice, compromise, please all and you’ll please none, etc. Yet, when it comes to human, the greed is always there, we can’t deny how wonderful it is to feel accomplished, or content when we can do many things at one time, achieve two goals at one go, or get everything that we want.

The same ego, pushes us to thrill ourselves, multitask, stretch to the maximum point, not to satisfy others, but to satisfy our thirst of doing good, even perfect. To prove that we qualify. To find out who we are: winner or loser.

Funny how things change, huh? I was so occupied thinking about life partner previously, and other unimportant stuffs belittling my small brain. Now, the whole career thing seems to occupy even more? Not really, life partner is always an issue. And that’s even more complicated! Haha…

At least it’s a different dilemma than before. Hopefully it’s getting clearer moving forward…. Can I just be hopeful about this –at this time?

Am I taking things for granted, again?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Cycle

Time flies... The full cycle just passed. I finally reached the final stage of the program, and felt relieved. It wasn't as grand as I thought it would be, but.. At least I tried my best. God, thank You for holding my hand along the way, cause I can't help falling in love with You.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tireless Night

It was a casual night, last night: not being able to sleep even though my body could not take any more activities. My thoughts kept me awake, despite the fact that I forcefully asked them to just shut up and told my brain to just shut down. 

It all started not long after a friend told me a very intriguing line of words during our dinner, "It is similarity that brings two people together, but what keep them together are the differences." Of course, that was only one out of too many mind-boggling stuffs he left me with. 

Even a simple thing like selfishness could not allow me to sleep when I badly wanted to. I would wander to another world where I would be busy thinking what selfishness is all about, for at the end, every people on earth would care about themselves and themselves only. However considerate, they would just go for their benefits. Why on earth people would like to gain loss? Right? Then when do we call ourselves selfish? When we ask someone to care, does that count? When we want somebody to make us happy, is that? 

So it would always go back to the question, "what is it that you want?" Because at the end, all I am looking for is a life partner. Does challenge matter? Or is it similarity and comfort?

Would your journey to find a life partner be similar to secure a career path?

Oh, crap.

Thought you were different. Maybe not. Maybe I was wrong. And I have been blinded by something else. Maybe... It's just me being so blind and naive. 
I do want to understand, but do talk to me.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Am I lying to myself now? Or I am just not used to it? 

Saturday, March 1, 2014


Feeling so happy and blessed to be surrounded by such nice and warm people... It is clearly a virtue to have friends who care and make you feel loved, to worry less, and to be able to just focus on one moment -and it is with them. 

Happy Arisan, People!