Saturday, October 20, 2012

Far From Jealousy

Seeing people like Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, and other amazing chefs unconsciously holds my breath. They are just few people that I perceive as "truly happy". They know what they love, they are doing what they love, and it's never ordinary. And so do those who are doing great job as an athlete because they love swimming, running. Those who become photographer because they love photography. Those who become film maker because they love filming. The list goes on. 

I wish I could find what I love and spent the rest of my life doing it. Just like those geniuses in their own expertise. 

This does not start the Sunday beautifully, but what can I say? 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


The more I grow up, the more I get to realize that marriage is definitely not a simple thing. Ever since I was a little kid, all I want to do was to get married and be happily ever after. I thought marriage equals to long-live-happinness and eternal peace. This thought evolved from one time to another, though. I still remember writing about how I changed my perception over marriage when I was still in high school, but I decided to keep believing in the beauty of it. Until these days. 

Well, I still want to get married. I really do. I just want to re-think it over and over again before I say yes to the guy who will ask my hand in marriage. The fights I have with him, the problems we are facing as couple, to the struggle my mom had in handling her three kiddos and strange husband - all of them are just TOO overwhelming. 

I began to notice that marriage really needs hard work. It is not as simple as I thought before. You do need to settle down with the guy, who will most likely be different from you in a lot of ways. Although this one could definitely be minimized, trust me there's no same person on earth. We got way too many combination of characteristics in human, you can't possibly rule them out (by that I mean the differences). 

And how does that difference dominate your marriage life? It does, especially when you do not have the patience, and the same agenda to calm the egos down. Beyond that, difference within perspectives would seriously kill you if you choose to stand on principle. Come on, there's no way a kid can be educated with two kind of religions. Parents' treatment is no difference, I would humbly say. 

People changed a lot these days, and so the way we raise kids, with all the entertainments, information, and technology. My little brother is definitely a good example of how the world has changed. Me and my sister never had problems with schools. One of two naughtiness but that's it. We never failed any subject, nor scores, and certainly not grades. Hopefully, my brother won't too. Yet, looking at what he did just now (lying all the time, failing so many tests, and breaking my mom's heart), I began to question what's so different in his and our time as sisters?

Perhaps, the technology explains. Perhaps the tradition explains. Perhaps the change of habits explains. I don't know. I am not sure. My BF would say, this kid is being spoiled. I do agree, but is that all? Again, I don't know. 

Oh, I beg your pardon. This is seriously just a piece of junk. I can't focus to do things I began to scribble down some wishy washy talk. Forget everything I just said, will you? :D

Monday, October 8, 2012

Love? Or Else?

Of all the differences we have, there is only one thing we have in common: stubbornness. Then, it only leaves us with one thing to stay together, among thousands of reasons to separate: love. 

I am just tired of your doubt in me. I just want to be trusted, and accepted for who I am – a thing that I supposed you never did, because perhaps I really am not the one for you, as you said. You wanted somebody else, and I am not that somebody. I am not the one who can make you happy, I am not the one who can take care for you, give you the attention you need, understand you, and discuss things with you.

Now, I am in despair. I am used to it, but not today, and not yesterday, and not the other day. It is killing me now. It created a big hole inside, empty, and dark.

Is it love? Or is it only ego? You left me wondering. Why can’t we be nice to each other? Why can’t we be just like another couple that share love and be happy, who can accept each other for what they really are? Will there be a light at the end of the tunnel?

“It is darkest before they turn the light,” people said. I hope it’s true. 

Saturday, October 6, 2012


G: "There are so many times I feel like giving up, but I don't know why I can't let him go."
D: "You love him. I wish my girl had half the love you have for your man, and 1/10 of your fighting spirit to make things work."

I was flattered that one of my friends actually said that when I was seriously down fighting with him. Again. At least somebody realizes my devotion. Not the one that I wish he would, but at least someone does. 

However, now, I know I am being such a pain in the ass. I am being stubborn. Again. 

Well, do you know how it feels, crying for 2,5 hours and being left alone? I do. I feel like I am not being loved. Oh, please. I do not need to mention all the things he did. It was just overwhelming. I know I made mistakes. Bad ones, but that does not mean I do not deserve respect or pity. 

Oh, am I defending myself again, now?


Hell-o October! 

Finally, after 4 days of endurance, and one year of making, I can proudly say that it is a wrap for Indonesia MUN 2012!

Despite the challenges, we all did a marvelous job.

Couldn't be happier :) :) :) :)

One more to go. Keep fighting, Gadis!