The Year of Learning

It may be weird when new year is coming in two weeks, but you already make a list of things to write about. Learning from the past year, resolution for the upcoming year, fears and aspirations --are just some of the things I feel so eager to jot down immediately. And what could be better than a me-time after finishing the workload for the day, feeling so relaxed but the time doesn't fly that fast. 

So yes, I am gonna start with what had happened throughout the whole year: 2013. A tough, tough year indeed. There are three big achievements this year: graduating from university (after the 4 years journey), securing one job that is in line with my passion in people's development, and perhaps meeting a number of extraordinary people to learn from (which translates into the ability to look at myself in a totally new angle). 

For that, there is nobody I can thank for more than the Almighty, for the most wonderful plan he had made throughout this year. And I would also like to thank everyone that made the journey as both bumpy yet amazing. 

Here, I would like to also take notes on the biggest learning thus far. First, is on leadership. Getting involved in people's development, especially in leadership development is amazing, but meeting the right people who know what they are talking about, able to set up right context and motivate others are beyond wonderful. I found a new definition of leadership throughout my learning in the Foundation. Indeed, being a leaders sounded so cliche, but I have gotten to a new turning point where I completely redefined my sense of being a leader.

It is in fact about the ability to be part of the solutions. As a half-empty perspective owner, I am used to get stuck in one problem, and ended up losing my sight to create solutions. Simply, because it is easier to blame the condition, drag the issue even bigger, or even exaggerate things. What's harder is actually to become part of the solutions. 

I also realize that being a leader always means taking thorough and careful deliberation, not in a sense that it requires ages to make, but to be able to focus, mindful, but at the same time considerate. Now, I am just nowhere near that, for I am always careless and way too busy to focus to just one activity at a time.

More than that, every successful leader needs a mentor and strong social fabrics. Not only somebody to look up to (aka role model), but someone that can guide you throughout the process. And that is exactly what's rare in the society. Even though there's nothing new about mentoring, it is just not natural and culturally instilled within our people. In the other hand, I realize that I haven't found my path to find that "mentor" in developing leadership potentials, but also in life. Looking at how **** has her husband to mentor him in every aspect of life, I just think that to look for a real partner in life, you just need to find that ability in him/her, as it is crucially important to have. 

Second thing to conclude the learning of the year, is on the subject of quality of life. I learned much about being able to face failures, set up aspirations, surrender, trust others, and last but not least, make peace to yourself. Am always being too critical to myself, but  as usual, I forget to use my best efforts to change instead of pitying myself in the corner. I got so many confrontations over the year, but it had helped me to do one thing: change. Stop complaining, use logic, start praying, let go, take some time to freshen up, or even insisting my plans to take place. 

Definitely, none of them was easy to do. In fact, it was indeed a hell of a ride. A lot of tears, disappointment, even sickness got involved along the process. But at the end, I think it is worth the efforts. 

Feeling like a loser is one thing that keeps bugging me my whole life, but apparently, there's nothing else you can do to change the past. To focus on the future, try my best to change, is definitely a way to go.

Gosh, it's a year of total re-calibration. It's so much easier to kill yourself and let go, yet I found my way to stay afloat: feeling loved. And for the fact that I wasn't loved truly by someone I deeply cared about, I was just unlucky. Yet, by the time you found bigger love exists, you are just more than happy. That's how I found my happiness nowadays.

Not feeling worthy was a mistake. Losing was one thing, and will always be a thing. But being able to get over it, stay positive and move one will be another thing worth fighting for.

Goodbye, 2013. All tears and disappointments, good bye.