It was only yesterday that I found out a very bitter truth. I changed. A lot. At least according to my best friend, Jerry. I kinda sensed it though, even without that much of explanation. Yet, I do not really know why. And perhaps why does not matter anymore now. What matter are how I would get myself together, stand on my knee, and stay grounded.
I feel lost. So lost that I feel like I do not know myself anymore. I do not know what I like, what I do not, what my principles are, what I want to do, what I am supposed to do. I am literally clueless. I have been wasting every of my time since I got back here. Life without purpose, if I am allowed to say. And these. All of these, are something that I never expected before. Ever.
I thought Europe will give me inspiration of life. It indeed gave me a list of insights of life, yet it does not help me find what I want in life and how I am going to make it come true.
So I am stuck. Again. For I do not recall how many times in my life because there were too much times like this. I keep on making mistakes, I keep on disappointing people around me, and Jerry even told me that my words were destructive. What a strong statement it was.
Wew, life is tough. I know I would need sometime to step back, withdraw my presence from my surrounding and take my time to reflect and be a think thank but that is not how it goes. Life and time never allow you to take a break. It goes on. Like it or not.
Well, I am still confused why I am putting all these into words. Thought it might help. Turned out to be different. Oh, I really have issues.
1 comment:
hey gadis... reading this brought me back to my state last month. It's exactly the identical twin of your situation.
And what I did was 'hiding' in a retreat. Believe it or not... retreat did bring me to life. Fully charged.
oh yes... you need a lot of "me time" and silence.
It's just an effect of overwhelming thoughts and facts that you might avoid before...
:)
Good Luck Gadis...
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