After all been said and done, I just felt so relieved. True that I have been an idiot, dumb ass, conceived, stubborn, and imperfect little girl, not to mention, immature and childish, in handling many things that have been going on. Just like a chart, my mood was, hitting the roof and the floor at the small period of time, with laughs and tears as the souls.
I realized how imperfect I am, and that is just so disappointing, knowing that you really have much to reach before pursuing your happiness, and most importantly before creating some for people around you. That was how imperfect I felt. And I was so disappointed.
I could say that I am losing my writing ability too. I just put a pile of words, without even knowing what to say. I am losing my grip, am losing my own self. Critiques coming from all directions, good and bad, but what to expect? I am losing me. A me that I built so hard all these times. A me that I thought was okay. A me that I have been dreaming to be.
Why am I so imperfect, then? Why this and why that?
Why am I being hurt? What is wrong with me now? What's next?
I am tired of this negativity inside me. I just want to change and be happy. But how?
Can't I just put off this jacket and leave? Can't I? Why can't I?
At the moment, I feel so relieved, yet down. I just want to run and run and run till I find somebody to live forever with. And I want to hold on, get me a grip, and never leave.
I had enough, I had too much.
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