Question Mark

Last night we had a pretty good night. We spent time hugging each other very tight, smelling each other’s scent, chatting about how tough life is; a quality time – and I always love it whenever we have that particular moment in our busy days, or his busy days. It is not the topic that matters; it is really the moment that you capture. It gives you the sense of peace in life.

Unfortunately, the clock kept on ticking and it was time for him to get home but we continued the talk through phone. It came to my surprise that he suddenly had this idea of me going out with my friends, spending some money, joining language classes, learning how to cook – which I took as one way of him saying that I needed some extra activities, perhaps not to bother him too much.

I realize that I used to be very busy, especially two to three years ago. College, added with work, organization, friends and so forth really kept me occupied. I didn’t have time for myself but I was okay. I wasn’t that “disturbed” mentally, probably because I did not have the time to think. Yet, I was sure that I wasn’t that happy either. I had hoped that my life was more lenient.

That’s human though. People always wanted different life; I am no exception. Now, I began to really think. Shall I go out? I have been wasting my time at home, doing nothing but watching tv, sleeping, eating. I am not productive at all. But do I really want to go out? I guess I just want to spend time with him. Another quality time. I want him and nothing else. Oh, I sound so pathetic.

The temptation to have fun does not get into me anymore without ever letting me know the reason why. So, I am confused; stuck.

Gadis, when will you feel good about everything? When will you rejuvenate yourself to be better?