On His Day

I mean, I know I have been so selfish myself. I hardly thank him just because I feel awkward saying so. Hmm, different feeling; nothing like I have ever experienced before with my exes. Perhaps because I want to owe him nothing. I don’t really know. One thing for sure, I actually know I should have appreciated him more, especially after all the things that he has given me, most importantly his time and affection. And forgiveness.

Do you know how frustrated people can be just because of me? Oh, I am really a bad, bad creature. I frustrate people around me due to my individualistic behavior and thinking that I even sometimes forgot exist.

And I really do know how he got so disturbed by my violent behavior every time I snapped, or the improper words, or the way of my thinking. I am just negative.

But he understands me. Most of the time, at least.

Well, we fight and he often gets back to me, with anger and some piece of revenge, perhaps. But overall, he understands. He’d calm me down, hug me tight and forgive me. Again and again. Until I feel so ashamed of myself that I am sure he’s going to leave one day.

I hope that day never comes, though.

Back to the old topic.

So today was his birthday, all I ask was just a little bit of appreciation and sense of celebration. Come one, it comes once a year. I know he’s not that partygoer type, but hey, I am not asking to throw a party here. I just need a quality time between us two, cuddle and talk. Have some proper food of course, for just once a year.

But he’s not here. He does not even appreciate what I gave. Not at all. He even blamed me for having ‘different dating style’ that he barely understood. What an offend. I was furious. I still am.

Actually, we’re not that different. In fact, we are no different at all. We’re too similar. We want appreciation but no one wants to start. Oh, how exasperating can that be?