Hell-O

It’s been a long time I haven’t poured my feelings into a post. And as always, many things have happened brutally and surprisingly, life is indeed a mystery. Am still not sure if it’s passion that drives me to work, or is it ambition to achieve impact. Am still not sure if it’s me being perfectionist in whatever I do, or I am really a passion-driven person. What’s the difference, actually? Does it even matter? Well, I don’t know.

Sometimes, I just want to find something distinctive inside of me, something that can build my confidence. I want to be known for my ability to get things done, to my wholehearted heart whenever I am given tasks. But now, I am wondering if that’s really who I am, if I am not just another “killer”.

Love is definitely on the side these days; I just don’t have time to think about it. Don’t get me wrong, last time, when we got into a “fight”, I couldn’t even do anything throughout the weekend, simply because I was stuck thinking of this interaction. Gadis is at the end always the same person.

At least I know how it feels like to be a workaholic, it’s just, I have decided not to do it in a long term. Why? As simple as wanting to have personal time, when you can meet friends, family, loved ones, or just pamper yourself with shopping or relaxing.

I do love working, but don’t want to end up spending too much time to work I am then losing my balance (read: exactly what’s happening to me now). I gained too much weight, never went for exercise, had too much pimples (I got disgusted with my own self), did not produce any writing or another piece of work, I am so not proud of myself. Wish I could have driven more impact than this. A bigger, larger, concrete impact for people. Gosh, why I wasn’t accepted to ***

WIGO?

People close enough to me would know how much I hate sitting down all day long. But look where I am now and what I am doing. I have long lost myself ever since this demanding job took over my life. I am bound to seriously plenty of stuffs, not only during working hours, but definitely beyond. I don’t even have enough time for entertaining myself nor spending time with family nowadays. I just go busy and work most of the time. Dude, as much as I feel obligated, I miss my friends.

I hate being someone who can only be at a reunion for 15 minutes because work calls. I hate being someone who needs to rush for everything. I hate being one of the last people going home from the office. Or stressing out on workloads, ended up sick. And I hate being told what to do when I exactly know what to do. And I hate complaining. Or multitasking (as I have promised myself to take that out little by little - it's killing my brain). 

Yes, this is indeed a very inefficient working method, a bad, unhealthy lifestyle. I am losing my balance and principle. Gadis.... What is going on? 

Terkadang saya berpikir, apakah benar yang dikatakan orang-orang itu tentang saya? Karena saya sungguh meragukannya. 

Happiest Birthday, Jerry!

Jangan galau lagi yah.... :D

Ideal Date

What's an ideal date look like to you? A new friend asked. I'd imagine waking up together in a Sunday, listening to Banana Pancakes and make real banana pancakes, cuddling all day long, watching dvds and just chatting till night comes, dancing after a nice dining over salad, pasta and french patisserie :) 

Descriptive enough? :P

Untuk kamu, yang ada di seberang sana.
Kamu tahu yang sesungguhnya.
Biarlah angin yang bicara, menyampaikan sajak pendek tanpa berita.
Susunan kata yang penuh makna,
merangkum kecamuk dada yang terus menggelora,
membaca suratmu yang indah nian,
seperti dulu kala.

Benarkah asa ini ada?

Ataukah aku hanya mengada-ada?

Semoga tak untuk sementara.

Can't Stop Listening to This

You see this guy, this guy's in love with you
Yes I'm in love, who looks at you the way I do
When you smile, I can tell we know each other very well
How can, I show you, I'm glad I got to know you

'Cause I've heard some talk, they say you think I'm fine
This guy's in love, and what I'd do to make you mine
Tell me now, is it so, don't let me be the last to know
My hands are shaking, don't let my heart keep breaking

'Cause I need your love
I want your love
Say you're in love, in love with this guy
If not I'll just die

Tell me now, is it so, don't let me be, the last to know
My hands are shaking, don't let my heart keep breaking

'Cause I need your love
I want your love
Say you're in love, in love with this guy
If not I'll just die

You and I by Ingrid Michaelson

Don't you worry, there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills

Maybe I think you're cute and funny,
Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you,
If you know what I mean

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
And teach them how to dance
Let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
Making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I, you and I,

Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Sometimes I wonder if this feeling would last, or if I am dreaming, or things are simply too good to be true. The fact that I am happy beyond words, that things got nicer and nicer these days because of someone, is that even real?

Please don't let this go of me...

There is this unspoken language between the two of them. They don't need to say anything, things just happen. And it felt beautiful.

Be careful of what you wish for.

Today was so not inspiring. Woke up very late just to find out that my belly had definitely grown out of proportion, or to accept the fact that my place was so chaotic and hot (what’s wrong with the weather these days? summer is coming, huh?)

So yes, I came to the office at 10ish, feeling so fatigue and unhealthy, definitely not ready to work nor spend the whole day in the office. After trying hard to focus and finishing some stuffs, I was just wishing for an inspiration. I looked out everywhere, anything available online: blogs, videos, practically anything and found none -super weird.

Until at lunch time, I spent time talking to my new colleague at work, just to figure out that I had been living in a cage. I had no idea how talented he was, or how diverse his interests were, he’s just mind blowing individual –and yes I missed that. I did not know, at all. Well, I know he’s such a nice guy with unique personality but the other extras, they’re just amazing.

He told me that not only he liked diving, but he already had an advanced diving license (yeah rite, where have I been?). Not only that he loved to travel, but he captured some of the valuable moments through video and he posted them in YOUTUBE!!!!! (it’s freaking available online, dude!!!!) And he definitely got great taste in music and he could sing nicely too!!!!! Not only he loved the movie “Before Sunrise”, he also had a crush on poems! What a man of interests, right?

So, yes. Be real careful of what you wish for. Sometimes, you have no idea how amazing a person sitting next to you. Don’t judge and don’t assume. Go talk to him or her. You will only be surprised :P