Optimistic?

Work has never been crazier. Maybe it has, but I have never been worse (professionally). Am not trying to be snob here, but I have always been on top of everything I do. I was a leader of my own self, but now? Look at me: I am nothing but a loser. Constantly making mistakes, repeatedly getting complaints, I am completely choking.

This idea of stretching is burning me out severely. On one hand, I want to be stretched to my maximum capacity, but this is definitely more than what I can chew already.

What may have gone unnoticed is the fact that I am getting near to slavery, and I feel okay about it. Someone has instilled this idea in my mind that being young is a virtue and it’s certainly time to stretch. Another person would say that I found a problem, then it is a must to be part of the solution: get your hands dirty on it. So then I accepted the challenges, with the readiness in mind, but no serious engine to support my imagination. Turns out, I am not who I thought I was, and this is just the beginning of my ‘falling apart’ journey.

Oh yes, my best friend would say it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy, but really?

But this intriguing idea came from my boss, actually. She was saying how these challenges are intoxicating –that’s exactly how someone ended up being workaholic, and I totally agree. After all, it’s human’s ambition to excel, to prove how one brings value to the work that he/she does, that become the fuel driving people to (over) perform. It’s the want and need to overkill, that challenges are seen as opportunity to showcase impact and ability. Some, unfortunately, ended up like me –now known as those who then compromise on quality when faced with 5-6 work streams at the same time.

These past 7/8 months are clearly toughening me up. I become much more aware of myself, my strengths, development areas, how I prioritize, how I handle stress, much more than what I thought I knew before. Being disappointed is inevitable, but hey, leaders are defined on how they get back up after they fall, right?