It’s been an observable fact that I am Chinese (you can tell from my face), or at least 80% of my blood is. My parents, although they grew up in Jakarta, also came from Chinese family, and so did their parents. However, in spite of the true Chinese blood, my family has not celebrated Chinese tradition in the house for such a long time already.
The only celebration we had was Chinese New Year, a reunion day when the big family members gather and share life-recent-updates. We, the children, glorify it because we get our AngPao (a money wrapped in red envelope as a prayer to get prosperity in the following year) from all married couples attending the reunion.
There, I question my Chinese-ness. I do not speak Mandarin, I no longer follow the tradition, I could not differentiate the term “popo”, “i-po”, “a-i”, “i-i”, and stuffs, unlike my other cousins who grew up in other parts of Jakarta. Worst thing is, I do not found the collectivism culture in my big family, especially from my dad’s side, which should have been the first and foremost value for Chinese people, in my humble opinion. I mean, Asian or I should say eastern society are known for the way they care and depend for each other, in a good way. And I couldn’t find it the way I am living now.
And I was about to blame modernization when people respect individualism more than ever, as a reason for that to happen (my family to lose collectivism). Yet, when I look deeper, I figured other things out.
The idea of individualism might be blossoming at the moment, explaining why we tend to care about ourselves the most, and our family second. We are embedded with our own complications that we don’t need more burdens from outside. Added with the distance and traffic, there was no single time to think about the big family.
Nonetheless, there are few other facts I should consider before coming to the final judgment. Let’s see the background of my family for better closure.
My dad was the 13th out of 14 children, such a big family indeed. He lost his mom when he was a little. Instead of taking care of him, his dad had another 2 wives to satisfy. Therefore he lived with his sister, and spent his life abroad. Not knowing what loving parents were, the brotherhood was not comforting either. They all fought each other for legacy of cash, lands, and other big assets after the rich father passed away. Brokenhearted, some of them did not want to see or talk to each other anymore.
That was the reason, I wasn’t any close with my cousins from my dad’s. Some of them stay unknown to me. When the older got married, we were not even invited, which is so not Chinese, because as far as I am concerned, we should invite even the furthest relatives in the wedding. Just like what happened today when I accompanied my grandma to the wedding of somebody I could not recall. All I know was that this couple was the relative of my grandma and I should help her go here and there to greet everyone she knew in the reception.
I could feel the warmth of togetherness in the air. I sense, this is how Chinese people should be. This is how family should be.
All this time, I tried to justify the idea that tradition is no longer of importance. It is an obsolete rule that hinders people from thinking rationally. Yet, I found it wrong to begin with. This bond, this connection, is indeed a treasure that nothing in this world could trade it with.
Initially, I considered it ridiculous for my 75-years-old grandma to insist coming to a reception, which was held more than 120 km from her house, and particularly wanting me to drive her there; but she was persistent. She proved that the relationship was the most valuable asset that should last forever. It doesn’t matter if it is held in the other part of the world. If she could make it, then she would.
I guess, we all could learn from it.
I guess, I could learn from it.
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