Is it too much that I feel so disappointed with all these craps? I mean, no, I am not expecting anyone to take pity on me. Seriously, not at all. I just couldn’t think of any other way besides screaming out. I have been suppressing the whole disappointment inside and I want it all out. That’s it.
People who live in here are just way too egoistic. They care ONLY for themselves, excluding my mom. And it’s driving me nuts.
I do not remember when it was first started. I just knew that it has gone too far. And today is the perfect sample for the whole screwed days I have been through.
I am extremely sick, like I went to the toilet for 20 times already – the worst I had in life, and my stomach is still tumbling (I don’t know if you can imagine how it feels). Yet, I need to take care of my little brother who is facing his exam tomorrow. If he were such nice boy who can appreciate my effort, it would have been okay. But he is a naughty, naughty boy. He is such a bad liar and we all hate his attitudes. I really have no other words to explain his destructive behavior. Not only in terms of education, I need to prepare his supper and wash the dishes after he’s finished, and also the dishes from my Dad (yes he can prepare his own supper, but he needs me to wash them after he’s done).
Unfortunately, it is all worsened when my Mom and Sister get home. My Mom will go directly to the kitchen, do everything she should as a mother of three. She needs to make sure everyone is well fed. My problem with this is that she will yell here and there if something goes beyond what she wants, which happens all the time! So, she scolds me for not taking good care of the kitchen while she’s gone for work. She will complain till she is fed up, and it’s unstoppable. Therefore, what I can do is to help her clean the kitchen, feed everybody who hasn’t got his or her meals, including my spoiled Sister.
My Sister, every time she gets home, her boyfriend will call her, and she’s going to be very busy on the phone. I, or my Mom, should ask if she wants something to eat that night, and to prepare them if she said yes. What the hell?! But that’s true. She won’t eat at least it is ready on the table for her. The problem is, none of us is her maid. And I am freaking sick today! I am not fit enough to let her eat and wash her dishes – oh yeah, I need to wash it too if she tries to forget it. The one that she cares about in the world is none but her.
And I do it all because, only because, I don’t want to let my mom down. That’s it. I feel miserable seeing my 49-years-old mom struggling with the whole idiots here. She has been tired working whole day, and she still needs to feed those egoistic people, without a single appraisal whatsoever. Poor her. But her temperamental and busy little mouth couldn’t stop shouting that it pisses people off. And that is something she couldn’t help with.
Please bear in mind that I am not trying to defend myself or to project myself as the one who is right. It really happens. It will take the whole day to explain why one does such thing. All I can conclude is communication barrier. We barely talk. We barely discuss things. And that exacerbates the entire egoistic manner. None would listen while other talks.
If it’s not because of my beloved mom, and her efforts to raise the three kids simultaneously with her job, I wouldn’t want to stay. I will definitely go my own way, and pursuit my happiness.
And there were never be any appreciation, only disappointment.
If ever, I am getting worse, tomorrow or the other day, then I’ll be troubling everyone, mostly my Mom and I can’t bear with it. I just shut my mouth, take a good care of myself, and pretend like nothing happened. Yeah, it’s always the thing I did. Crying by my own, writing on the blog, and chatting with some concerned friends. But I am effin tired! Why can’t I be happy in my own home? I can’t find a single joy in here because people are busy with their own business, and never think about the other persons living in the fuckin house. I hate it. I hate it.
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