Kartini's Day Lessons

(Written on April, 21)

Today was just special. Firstly, because it was Kartini’s Day (a day celebrated by Indonesian to commemorate the fight of young Lady, named Kartini, to introduce women empowerment back then during the Dutch colonialism), and secondly because it was my 2^nd Daddy’s birthday (the closest uncle I have ever had) and we celebrated “the occasions” by having the lengthiest discussion ever; the one that opened up another layer of ourselves that had never been unsealed earlier.

There were two key points I summarized from the conversation. First is the opportunity to identity myself better through the discussions. Second is the need for people to actually disclose what’s been going on in their life, despite the age or sexuality gap. 

***

I am outspoken, very indeed. I talk to people eagerly on a daily basis. I love to meet new people, but today felt so different because I began to realize something of importance. I really found myself through the discussions. Trying to explain the struggle I have been facing challenged me to see the problem in a bigger picture, before deciding on the frame of the story. And there was the moment I found myself. I found my weaknesses, through a new lens I got from the conversations. 

Now I realized how naïve I am. I believe what I want to believe. I am persistent, but in a bad way, which you might call it “stubborn”. And I don’t care. What I believe is right will stay the way it is, albeit the possibility of broken heart and other disturbances.

I stay in the relationship, because I want the relationship to work. I heard all the bad things about the one I love; critics; unfavorable opinions; and all those stuffs but I insist to stay. Merely because I love him and I want to believe that he is the right guy.

I still think he’s the one. The “little fight” we had did not deter my will to endure the pain. We are struggling, or probably I am struggling. To understand, to ease my ego, to be patient, to be less arrogant.  I am seriously struggling and this is not easy at all. People might say that all that efforts will result to no avail due to the fundamental differences we have, or to be clear, the same amount of ego residing within each heart. I don’t give a damn about that. All I know is that I want to fight till the end of time. Till there’s no way I could save the relationship. I believe in the power of love, and so I want to crack every obstacle coming in.

Any risk will not discourage me. Even severe broken heart will not get in the way. Because I still think this will work. With no guarantee it will. In fact, his behavior is getting on my nerves and there are times I cried for I was so frightened that it would only direct us to the end. But I am still here, crawling my way in to the better relationship with him. I am trying.

Naïve, as I have said before, would be the perfect term to describe myself because I ignore all the possible risks under the reason that every way has its own consequences, which will always be lesson learned for each of us. The risks may be blatantly imminent, like what I am having right now, but the perseverance still exists.

Call me stupid. Yes I am. Apology for being myself.

***

I would never recognize the need of self-disclosure, especially when we are talking about this particular uncle. He has gone through tremendous battle of life, yet he was never this open to me before. It wasn’t because it’s his birthday that he talked to me that way. We just hit the right moment, and boom, the lengthy discussion ever began smoothly. Covering a lot of things in life, I found his battle in life, my own battle, and myself, as I have mentioned before.

What we talked about was probably not that essential to be discussed here. But I discovered the need that had been dwelling in his heart, waiting its right second to blurt out. It turned out, despite his "dignity" not to be vulnerable in front of young kid like me, he actually opened up a lot of secrets he had withheld the whole time. And it was just a pleasure to know that somebody trusted you by telling their fragile side. An honor for me to be trusted that way. He chose me over somebody else. Me, the 20 year old kid who is naive and very much immature. 

***

Other than that, Kartini's Day gave me another lesson of life through watching The Lady, a film portraying the story of Aung San Suu Kyi, the daughter of Myanmar's Revolution Hero, Aung San. But I will write a special posting regarding the awesome story because it will cost more than two pages of papers, I reckon. 

So, yes, this year's Kartini's Day was so special. A new perspective coming towards, leaving me with tons to think about further. 

Happy Kartini's Day!