Without

Living without expectations is hard, but it is doable. I am proud for being able to stay unattached with my feelings, use logics in taking actions, even for only 3 days (that's for now- plan to do it more often). Well, at least within my relationship with you-know-who. 

It's hard, because you still wish that he would text you most of the times during the day, call you just to say good night, or even let you know if he's home already. In reality, none of those thing happened according to his personal motivation. I triggered those things to happen these whole times. Or, another way to put it os to actually say that he never wanted to have the relationship I feel like having. 

This guy, in my view, is just..... He loves to be carefree. He doesn't want a lot of things that could disturb his "warzone" of conflicting thoughts. And me, I could say, is a kind of person that always needs extra attention, intimacy and time.

In short, I am so "fragile" that I complain a lot and expect a lot from this relationship. Something that he, personally, is not willing to give.

Deep down, I am not really sure if he's into serious relationship, looking at the way he wants things to be done (read: which was what I have been trying to so-not pushing him for anything). And for that, of course I am totally disappointed.

However, another way to look at it is to actually try to be positive, in a sense that I need to give him space and time before I am finally able to take rational decisoon.

Hmmm, it seems that my new housemates really brought fresh perspectives in me... Too soon to tell, but I am gonna try my best to get over those messy moments of my life..