happy birthday to Jerry Karaprianto

Wish you all the best. God Be With You.

luapan hati pagi hari

Seratus empat puluh tiga hari sudah berlalu dengan cepatnya, meninggalkan warna-warni hari kemarin, namun bukan ingatan-ingatan akan kamu.

Aku memang telah berhasil mengumpulkan seunggah keberanian untuk melangkah maju, walaupun perih melanda batin.

Aku memang telah berhasil melupakan sentuhanmu, tapi tidak senyummu.

Suaramu, tapi tidak rasa nyaman bersamamu.

Candamu, tapi tidak pesonamu.

Lantas, apakah aku masih tinggal dalam bayang-bayangmu?

Aku pun tak tahu.

Kupikir, aku telah dapat melewati hari-hari berat tanpamu,

membuang segala kegetiran yang tertelan sejak hari itu.

Kupikir, aku telah berjalan tegak setelah aku berada jauh dari kamu.

Kupikir, aku telah dapat membusungkan dada,

bisa tertawa tanpa kamu.

Ternyata,

indahnya waktu bersamamu masih bisa merasuki aku,

hingga aku merasakan getaran-getaran aneh menyusuri tubuhku.

Kamu,

masih bisa membuat aku goyah, tak lagi berpijak di tanah.

Kamu,

selalu bisa membuat aku jatuh,

lagi dan lagi.

Hidup ini memang tak pernah sama tanpa kamu.

Kapankah kamu akan benar-benar pergi?

kenyataan

"Ya aku kan tahu kegiatan kamu dari blog kamu. Kamu mana pernah cerita?"

akankah semua berlalu?

Entah mengapa, hari ini perasaan saya campur aduk. Campur aduk bukan main.

Apa yang membuat semua ini terjadi pun saya tak tahu menahu.

Yang saya tahu hanya lah kenyataan bahwa saya ingin menangis, walaupun tanpa alasan yang pasti.

Ah, mungkin ini hanya sindrom datang bulan saja.

Ya, alasan itu kerap kali muncul. Tapi memang tak bisa saya pungkiri bahwa setiap datang bulan, selalu saja perasaan galau semacam ini pasti timbul dan tenggelam.

Sudah lama ya, blog saya ini tidak diisi dengan kegalauan maupun kelabilan anak remaja semacam ini. Saya memang berusaha keras untuk menghindar dari semua perasaan-perasaan, yang saya kategorikan negatif sekarang.

Saya hanya tidak ingin mengecewakan para sahabat dan teman yang telah begitu baik dan penuh komitmen untuk membantu saya melewati masa-masa kelam di waktu yang lalu.

Namun apa daya ketika separuh jiwa saya berteriak minta tolong, karena tak sanggup lagi menanggung beban yang selama ini saya pendam. Ada terlalu banyak yang saya simpan. Ada terlalu banyak yang berusaha saya kubur.

Saya tidak ingin, sama sekali tidak ingin, mengingat lagi wajah yang sama, mengenang momen yang sama, mengulang-ngulang pahit masa lalu.

Rasanya sama saja seperti mengais-ngais luka yang telah berhasil tertutup.

Ingin teriak rasanya semua darah ini. Mengapa setiap saat ada saja hal yang membuat saya stagnan. Ada saja hal yang membuat saya tidak bisa melihat ke depan?

Kenapa ada banyak orang yang justru menyuruh saya melihat lagi ke belakang?

Letih. Letih rasanya.

LETIH. LETIH. LELAH SUDAH.

Serius. Pergi lah.

perempuan tangguh

Kalau Anda mau belajar keteguhan yang sebenarnya, belajar lah pada Ignes Pricillia, salah satu sahabat yang benar-benar dapat meresapi kata "keteguhan" dengan sangat dalam.

Dengan postur tubuh yang kecil, tak ada seorang pun yang mampu menduga kekuatan yang dimilikinya.

Masalah demi masalah menimpanya. Masalah yang seharusnya membuat dia terpuruk, mungkin jatuh tersungkur dan tak bisa berdiri lagi. Masalah yang pastinya bukan main-main.

Anehnya, dia bukan cuma berdiri. Dia sanggup melangkah lagi. Sanggup meninggalkan zona amannya. Sanggup melupakan kesedihannya dan bangkit.

Bangkit dan menyusuri jalan penuh liku dan simpangan tajam. Jalan yang mungkin tak sanggup saya ikuti.

Ignes adalah satu dari sahabat saya yang selalu memberikan inspirasi untuk melihat kehidupan dengan lebih baik. Melihat banyak sekali hal yang sebenarnya AMAT DAPAT disyukuri. Namun, karena terlalu banyak melihat ke atas, hal-hal semacam itu jadi kabur. Jadi kabut yang tipis, yang tidak mampu menyelimuti hati dengan dinginnya.

Tetap semangat, nes.

Di mana ada kemauan, di situ ada jalan.

Buat yang lain, buka mata hati dan telinga.

Lihat dengan kepekaan hati. Ada banyak hal yang bisa kalian syukuri.

Love you Ignes,

:*

seeds of hope exhibition

Couple of days ago, Min Er dragged me to this exhibition. I did not have any idea of what the exhibition was all about. It came to my surprise that it changed my heart after I went there. It really was an eye-opening program, created by the joint venture of Soka Gakkai International (Buddhist Organization) with The Earth Charter (an international declaration to build a sustainaible generation in 21st century). However, this exhibition was not to doctrine me about Buddha. It was a totally different agenda.

It told me about (1) human interconnection with nature, that we simply can't just live without it and how the nature has always become the part of our soul; (2) global crisis that are happening at the moment : the fact that human selfishness has something to do with the poverty, environmental degradation, and human conflict; (3) the change of heart : we can change the future by having a change of heart first.

Okay, I am not going to blabber or try to advertise the exhibition. I was just inspired. This was where the inspiration got on my nerves.

Looking back at how the nature has changed, we seemed powerless. One, cannot do anything. As youth, what can we do? We then chose to stay in our position : doing nothing. In contrast, the Seeds of Hope opened my eyes by saying, WE SHOULD NEVER LOSE HOPE. We should start from ONE. We should always have the hope, as we change ourselves. They believe, that by starting it from the root, us, and our family, we can motivate a bigger group : our community, then our country, and the world as a whole. And it all starts from ONE.

They even had all of those concrete examples, those who really tried to CHANGE. I am super sorry that I couldn't describe what they have contributed to their community. You can ask for personal email from me :p There were Nick Illaud from Canada, Hazel Handerson, Wangari Maathai (The 2006 Nobel Prize Winner from Africa), Hikori Takeda from Tokyo, Joanna Wilkes from UK, Reto Juvenil from Costa Rica, Rajendra Singh from India, Davoring Brdanovic from Bosnia-Herzegovina. All of them were just examples of people that really made CHANGE in their environment.

Most important thing is, how are we going to do it? People have started. Why don't we start NOW?

There are simple things that we can actually do to change :

EAT MORE VEGETABLES

TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

USE USED PAPER TO PRINT

TAKE BICYCLE

WALK MORE

and many other simple things.

Start with your family, grab your community, and have a hope for bigger one.

Hoaaaa, it's just very hard for me to explain. I hope you understand all of these.

Hereby, I just attached one of the panels displayed in the exhibition. Hope it helps :)

in front of the class

Another inspiration just came to life.

I watched one movie, titled "In Front of Class", telling a story about Brad Cohen, who happened to live with a tourette syndrome since he was 6 years old. The sickness made him voice out the funny noises from her mouth. Everyone considered it funny as it sounded like the barking of a dog thus kept mocking him as "weirdo". He got bullied at school, but he just couldn't help it for he could not control any of the sounds at all. Pity him.

When he went for a community supports, it did not help at all. Most of the people who also got affected by the same syndrome chose to leave the world (read : stay at home), they dared not to go out. It was because back then, there were not much research for this syndrome, as well as the cure - it wasn't available.

Thankfully, he had his VERY supportive mom, who unconditionally supported him in every way, telling him repeatedly that TS (the abbreviation for tourette syndrome) should never get in his way. He should never let TS win over everything : his dreams, his love, anything.

There was also this principal in his middle school, helping him to get accepted among his friends by emphasizing the purpose of school, which was to educate. That was how Brad got inspired to be a teacher : to educate.

It was not easy to finally got settled in one school, he met a pile of obstacles along the way. With his sickness with him, it looked like impossible to teach with that condition. Nonetheless, he finally made it to be a teacher, the school accepted his condition and he was so freaking happy that his dream came true.

At the end, he learned that his syndrome was the best teacher after all, because it taught him not to let his weakness win over him. It taught him that he should never give up. He could still reach his dream although through a very tough process.

Cliche, it may sound to you.

But I find it profoundly true, especially to what I am facing now.

Recently, a lot of problems just washed me up. And there are still more coming up.

This film let me think twice about solving my problems.

I SHOULD NEVER LET MY FEAR GET IN THE WAY.

Cause it will only bring me to regret.

That was a true story. Inspiring movie. You should just watch.