FAMILY

Being taken for granted, or taking things for granted is such a usual thing. I think people are so used to not being mindful about many things in life. I can say especially for those who live in privileges. I am included.

Nevertheless, that's not my point. My real intention was to write about how people take 'parenting' for granted. How many people on earth actually care about parenting? Like, really think through of how prepared they are to have kids, mentally, physically and financially?  How many out there who actually learn how to be good parents, look for references, get involved in tons of discussion before they actually have kids?

My guess? Not many. Seriously. 

In Indonesia, the worst thing is that people are so keen of getting married. Being married is like a must have in life, people get proud being able to host a glamorous wedding day. The question is, do they see marriage as a means to build a family, that also means raising kids and preparing them to contribute to the world?

I don't know many people that actually think about that. Many would just think about working on the differences the couple have, focusing more on the relationship, but that's just it. No more discussion about how they would raise their kids, what kind of value would they teach, what kind of character they wish the children to have, etc. 

People care much about the wedding day and how marriage affect them as human being (that they don't have to be alone, they now have a partner in life), but that's it. That is disappointing. Because I wish my parents set aside their differences in parenting, not only their opinions about things. I wish they really planned out how they expect the kids to be raised. 

Okay, not that I am being ungrateful of my parents. I just wished things were different because there were chances to do better plannings, that would have resulted in better outcomes. 

This is the blablabla part. People don't get me when I am being to abstract. 

Well, both of them really have contrasting view of the importance of education. My Dad would never understand why my Mom pushed my brother that hard to actually get good grades at school. In fact, they always fought with each other when my Mom voiced out high tone just to get my brother study before the exam. My Dad thought it's ridiculous to re-learn all the things that had been thought by the tutor after school. Unfortunately, my Mom knew better. He knew my brother did not get the lesson in the most benefiting way. She knew he needed to study further to prepare for the exam. But my Dad did not. So they fought. Many times. 

Small things like that. I can mention a lot more, but my point is, I wish, as  an adult they sorted this whole parenting things out, even before they got married. And I wish the same things for thousands of people who are getting married these days. 

Because the stake is even higher. These days, isn't it super hard to become a parent?

Being bombarded with the ease of technology, the spirit of 'freedom of expression', worldwide information, hedonism culture, kids these days face a greater challenge than ever before. Various information at the tip of their fingers can be a double-edge sword. If they can optimize it to explore the world, console their curiosity and challenge their assumptions, of course it's great. But the same information, if not sorted well, can challenge their beliefs, values, culture and many other good things that the family has tried to internalize since they were still little. 

Families are no longer their utmost reference. Their peers are.  What's right and wrong are now determined by the mass. So hedonism can become a way of life so easily, just because the majority believes so. 

It is going to be harder for parents to instill ideas like altruism, volunteerism, tolerance and understanding when the example is so far away. The growing middle class are living in a better era where it's quite hard to stay grounded. You live in a neighborhood where you no longer find homeless people, or green area, or public areas and facilities. You no longer share. You have everything on your own. You live wealthy or at least decent. You are so far from pity. You no longer appreciate small cents and you have no idea how much it worth for other people. And so you don't teach your kids those kind of things. Because it's just too far away from your comfortable life. 

And so these kind of things, people hardly talk about when they're getting married. Maybe even after they have kids. They just don't realize how important it is to set the right mindset in the mind of children. Because not many people realize that parenting is the most important job in the world. You prepare someone to be able to survive. Not only that, you want him and her to succeed. You want them to be good. You want them to also meet someone as good. 

The other thing that frustrates me is the all-Indonesian thing. We just live in such a corrupt environment that we, without conscience, teach our kids that tax is supposed to be avoided. Putting a seat belt on is so that police won't catch you. Rules are to be broken. And so many other frustrating things surround you. 

There's no obedience to the law whatsoever. And so the generation pass on this belief to others and we preserve the broken rules over and over again. Things that seriously rotten the system no matter how good it's made. 

We don't realize the power of family. How it builds people's character, that adds up to a nation. And so we remain the same forever. 

This generation is supposed to change the world, with all of the ease of life the world has offered. But it will always remain the same if we don't start from ourselves. As simple as thinking from the smallest cell, family. 

So next time you want to think about marriage, think about what kind of people you want to deliver to this earth. Will he/she be worth the space and the resources? Will he/she contribute to the betterment of the beings, or will he/she be a shame?