After my friend and I had not spoken for a while,
we finally had the chance to meet earlier today. Just like other people would
ask, she also asked me with a million dollar question: why would you stay with him
after all he did to you?
A tough question indeed. But to my surprise, this one good friend of
mind happened to ask me if I stayed because of money. She reasoned that people
used to think that way because they had nothing else in mind, or people
gossiped around, and all that.
It really saddened me to be punched with such question, because even I
had never thought of using somebody for that, especially someone I claimed to
have feelings for. I tried to understand her perspective, or whomever that came
with the question, yet I couldn’t help but to break down having that in mind.
Do you even know who I am? Am I that low or shallow that I couldn’t
afford my own living costs? I have been fine for the 20 years of my life with
my shopaholic behavior because I worked my ass off. I worked really hard and
tried to accommodate my needs by working. I have been raised with a very strict
principle to be proud for what you struggle for, not for what others spoon-feed
you with!
I do admit that he helped me
much recently, but it didn’t mean anything to me. I never needed any cent of
it, and I still can survive. All I ever ask was a true love, as much as what I
have given to him.
Does anybody ever think of how much love I gave to my previous one? Even
after what he did, I still forgave him anyway. Same thing applies to this
particular guy. I love him wholeheartedly, and love is my
kryptonite. It kills me. It drowns me, it controls me. It has left no rooms for
my brain to invade whatsoever.
I can find all the money in the world. But can I find a true love? A
soulmate? One that will love you sincerely, unconditionally, one that will hold
you tight, and one that makes you believe true love does exist? Can I?
Why would people simplify a complicated feeling into something so
profane?
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