Life it is

I feel like crying. Out of nothing. 

It really is overwhelming to experience a day of blessings like yesterday, when I have my best friends sharing precious moments with me, but to live a day of curse like today, where I started a rough morning and felt unsettled for the rest of the day. Why these mood swings? Seriously, I have had enough. 

Amazing it is, to spend 9 years building friendship, getting to know each other deeper, sharing dirtiest secrets, and helping one another every time one is caught with problem. And I can't thank Jerry enough for that. The comfort and chemistry, I would never find somewhere else. 

To him, I confessed. That the work of God is the one actually takes control over my life. That nothing great I possessed is by far I have planned to happen. All of the amazing opportunities, was nothing I have prepared before, or not even thought before. Exchange, internship, summer school, one-year long event; those are the things I seriously did not expect to occur in my life, ever. And I thank the Almighty for setting the whole things up for me, because they were undoubtedly wonderful. 

Yet, at the same time, I also felt how the whole things that come unexpected can create deep wounds inside my heart, which I am feeling now. Call me a control freak, but I am deeply ruined. And screwed. Over all things that stray into the unknown area where I am incapable of mastering. 

Gosh, why life is so complicated? Why am I me? Why can it never be just as simple as living?

Well, I really hope this is the symptom of growing up (I know it doesn't look like one to any of you, but at least to me). I learn to understand the way of life (sorry if I am being too late on this). Most important of all, I try to accept. Proved it today. I tried to make peace of myself, although it's been tough like hell.

Try better tomorrow. *crossingfingers*