This is What My Life Looks Like

How am I supposed to act normal if what’s going on in my house was not even near to normal? Please let me know if there is a Dad out there, who does not talk to the children, especially when he is angry with the kids? That he goes home, sees his own kid, but refuses to say anything (read: total silence)? Is there any? Well probably, introvert people who avoid confrontation would, which, sorry, but I would hate much.

Pardon me for this, but I need to say that problems stay even if you refuse to talk about it. It will never be gone, even if you try to forget it and pretend like nothing happen the other day. And so I am so, so, so freaking amazed with a father, who should be a role model, a figure to adore, turns out to be someone I disrespect, simply because his choice of problem-solving, that I consider so immature. I mean, even your twenty-years-old daughter can even think of sitting down and discussing our problems nicely when you can simply choose to hide from all of your anger. Isn’t that immature?

And pardon me again, for I believe that respect is universal, like Rain once said to me, that it knows no boundaries or barrier of age, gender, race, ethnicity, or citizenship, or anything. It only knows that people should respect one another. And that is why I would describe my Dad in this-kind-of-posting that might go public. Well, this is my choice of life and nobody should even judge me on that. You may, if you would, by the way.

I do respect him, but I have bore the pain all along. Sometimes I really wish I could have father figure that cares about my life, my academic plan, my extracurricular program, and everything I do. But okay, my Dad seems not to be interested in there. He is not interested in educating me with life-lessons and all. And for that, I have no objection. Probably, that’s how he educates his kids, and I should respect that. Especially I know the reason that he was brought up that way, with no Mom and rich Dad. He has no idea about what parenting is all about so I should understand.

What disappoints me most is that he never tried to be one. He never tried to be a good parent after all. He never changed. If you know what your flaw is, would you try to find ways to overcome it?

One might say I am too full of expectations. Again, pardon me for that. I have been looking around for insights. I have been looking around for answers, and this is the conclusion I come up with. Such a shabby writing, please forgive me. I am just trying to live my life wisely, in my own definition. Should you have objection, please let me know.