It’s
been a long time I haven’t poured my feelings into a post. And as always, many
things have happened brutally and surprisingly, life is indeed a mystery. Am
still not sure if it’s passion that drives me to work, or is it ambition to
achieve impact. Am still not sure if it’s me being perfectionist in whatever I
do, or I am really a passion-driven person. What’s the difference, actually?
Does it even matter? Well, I don’t know.
Sometimes,
I just want to find something distinctive inside of me, something that can
build my confidence. I want to be known for my ability to get things done, to
my wholehearted heart whenever I am given tasks. But now, I am wondering if
that’s really who I am, if I am not just another “killer”.
Love
is definitely on the side these days; I just don’t have time to think
about it. Don’t get me wrong, last time, when we got into a “fight”, I couldn’t
even do anything throughout the weekend, simply because I was stuck thinking of
this interaction. Gadis is at the end always the same person.
At
least I know how it feels like to be a workaholic, it’s just, I have decided
not to do it in a long term. Why? As simple as wanting to have personal time,
when you can meet friends, family, loved ones, or just pamper yourself with
shopping or relaxing.
I do
love working, but don’t want to end up spending too much time to work I am then
losing my balance (read: exactly what’s happening to me now). I gained too much
weight, never went for exercise, had too much pimples (I got disgusted with my
own self), did not produce any writing or another piece of work, I am so not
proud of myself. Wish I could have driven more impact than this. A bigger,
larger, concrete impact for people. Gosh, why I wasn’t accepted to ***
