Contradictory

Feeling envious when seeing my friends who have started their family (read: get married and have kids), I am also torn in my own jungle of thoughts as a result of too many movies and readings. 

Human are just too fluid. They change all the time, you hardly can depend on them. I saw/heard/read too many affairs ruined marriage, disheartening moments ruined feelings or a simply parenting gone bad. 

It's just so discouraging to see that. Definitely, it has torn my ideals on marriage and family apart. I am just not sure if I can keep up, and be the loyal wife and mom as expected. Even I am scared, as there are too many variables in life that you barely control. You can say that you're committed today, but things can change in a blink of an eye, no matter how hard you resist.

So yes, it's scary -not knowing if you would always stay committed or if your partner would. 

Gosh, where's the exit door?