Thinking Out Loud

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud

Maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm
I know you will still love me the same

'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory

I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
I just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

But baby now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh

Reality Bites

How many times do people get their reality check? I guess this is not my second or third. It has happened for so many times this year. Sucks, much. Hopefully it's not for nothing.

***

For too many times, we take things for granted, living life as usual because we do not see the importance in changing. We got stuck with the same sins every time, it becomes questionable if we will ever be a better person. I might raise a question on whether other people actually commit themselves to change and do it or they just forget all the sermons in the church/mosque and move on. 

So I don't believe the term when someone said 'my partner makes me a better person.' Why? Simply because I thought I was better then when I met this guy, yet I actually don't change quite a bit. I am still this person with a dangerous level of negativity, I am still this bitter lady -which strikes me. tremendously. Yes, that's my first reality check after the last time (God knows when). 

What about the second? Reality slaps me in the most inconvenient time possible. I just can never use the same old excuse that tells everyone 'this is who I am and my partner should accept me for that.'

Cinderella does not exist in the real world. So, there is no such thing as accepting each other wholly. People adapt and make compromises. For me, it's a real mental revolution. A tough, challenging one. One mission impossible, I can say. 

I have this bad habit I brought up from my previous relationships. A habit that I thought made me who I am so nobody should ever mess around instead of accepting it. It's just one destructive habit one should never carry over. Thanks to my new close friends, they forced me to confront that truth. Before, I was just…running away from everything and then I decided to embrace the truth. That I am such a bad, bad, bad girlfriend. Anything would just get ugly every time I did not get what I want. 

I am left with two options. Stay the same and leave this relationship or change and get a chance to stay. 

And the idea of changing is never easy. Saying it is so damn easy, doing it is an entirely different challenge. Especially when you have inhabited it for so long, and found no one complaining about it. 

You hate this. But you have no options. Seriously, number 1 is never an option. 

Here I am, living like I had two personalities. I keep telling my mind that I should never be A. Whenever the rage arouse, the fight starts on its own. 

Lean on Him is the my only escape.

Ingin aku mengutuk diri atas kekerdilan hati dan iman. Kenapa tak pernah berpuas diri, Gadis? Kenapa selalu ada yang salah? Kenapa harus selalu rendah diri dan skeptis?

The Way You Make Me Feel

You may say I am naive, or in love. Well, it's true. I am in love, but that doesn't mean I can't think straight. I just think that he is perfect. He is genuine, everything he does and says, it's all coming from his heart (mostly from his brain, I guess), but still, he is perfect.

I am so in love. Yeah, I can tell.

The 'Selfie'

HK

And the most irritating part is the FINANCIAL issue. Seriously, I feel so fatigue to learn that today, it's all about money, money, money. Can't you just leave me in peace? Really??????

Why can't I have a meaningful job and forget about money?

Why is this always about you, huh?

Professional Life?

Kehidupan professional itu tak lain dari hubungan tarik menarik, dorong mendorong. I don’t even know how to describe it. I just feel the push for too many times already, and I kinda feel tired. Yet, at the end, you do the same for everyone. And perhaps that push is the one that keeps things move, you know? You may hate it that much, but well, that’s part of life.

I wonder why people still think I am naïve. Honestly, I feel better than the rest of my peers who still have this ideal picture of working life. I don’t think I have the similar view. I got my reality check to push me enough to grow up and embrace the real world.

But, well, you know, I know I still want my ideals to stand up. A clash of working culture forced me to stand up for my ideals and quit. So, still naïve, I guess?