So content.

What makes you special is that you are extremely genuine. You make people happy because you have enough happiness to give to. And that is priceless.

Dunia Sekitar

Pernahkah kau berpikir
Hidupmu tidak adil
Karna engkau merasa
Kecewa karna hal yang kecil kau anggap besar
Seakan hidup ini berakhir

Tidakkah kau merasa
Harusnya kau berpikir
Masalahmu yang kecil
Tidak sebanding dengan apa yang dirasakan
Banyak manusia diluar sana

Hai cobalah kau melihat
Dunia disekitar
Dengan mata hatimu
So give your love
Your love
Your love
Your love
C'mon people

Hingga engkau mengerti
Tidak banyak manusia
Seberuntung dirimu
Yang berharap uluran tangan tak kunjung datang
Namun senyumnya tak pernah hilang

Jadi mulai sekarang
Cobalah tetap senang
Saat cobaan datang
Karna itu akan selalu datang dan hilang
Seperti hari siang dan malam

Hai cobalah kau melihat
Dunia disekitar
Dengan mata hatimu

Gimme your love
Your love
Your love
Your love
C'mon people

Langkah manusia menjadi nyata
Saat bertindak bukan berkata
Belajar makna dari senyuman mereka

So c'mon people
Let's do it now
Let's do it now

Langkah manusia menjadi nyata
Saat bertindak bukan berkata
Belajar makna dari senyuman mereka

This person seriously has no idea how amazing he is. To be short, he is one of the nicest things that ever happened to my life. Just one out of few people that I truly respect and adore. He is just kind-hearted, above all. And the fact that he might not even realize it, amazes me even more. 

You are so tender.

When you give your best, you care not for what the result is anymore. You just feel 'great'. And that is all that matters.

I am so upset I can't think straight.

Wondering why marriage changes people. Why do a couple, full of love in their initial days, change after several years of marriage? Why now some are full of hatred to each other? And why do even some get separated? What changed?

Nope Nope

I looked at my watch just now, and realized how people these days judge everything by its look, or at least by how a thing makes them feel when they use it, or how it makes them look.

Call me basi, I know I am, but we are so blinded by that. I know I could get a so much better watch with better quality and specification than this one, with a lesser price but apparently I ended up buying this one instead -only because how it looks good on me. 

Unfortunately, we use that same principle over people, when it comes to interviewing. Isn't it so bias? Brata and I got into this discussion on how a candidate used color contact lenses that didn't match her skin tone. Really? Isn't that so low? But that's exactly what happened. 

We just couldn't stand commenting on people's appearance, could we? But to use that as one consideration, are you serious? Well, in one occassion he said, 'I am going to work with that person, remember?'

So yes, that kind of rules (judging a book by its cover) applies everywhere, however idealistic you'd like to defend whatever you want to defend. 

It's so mean, but it happens in today's world, dear. We purchased shoes sometimes not because they suit us comfortably, but because they make us look gorgeous in there. Even if we feel terrible in them. What a stupid fact.

Sleeping Pills

P: "It would have been better if we have never met. None of these would ever happened."

J: "Pocahontas, I would rather die tomorrow, then to live hundred years without knowing you."

...

"If I never knew you.. If I never felt this love, I would have no inkling of how precious life can be.. 

and if I never met you, I would never have a clue, how at last I'd find in you the missing part of me.. 

In this world so full of fears, full of rage and lies, I can see the truth so clear in your eyes, so dry your eyes.."

Pocahontas

If I never knew you

If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious live can be
And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me
In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the true so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes
And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole live through
Lost forever
If I never knew you
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right...
Oh, if I never knew you There's no moment I regret
If I never knew this love Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be... I've lived at last...
I thought our love would be so beautiful, so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right...
We were right...
And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through...
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Hidden Gem

He is the kind of person who made me realize that love is indeed a verb, instead of mere noun. It's a constant act of sharing.

It is not an objective, but an ongoing effort.

Thank you, dear. It means the world to me.

Birthday Reflection

This crazy stomachache couldn't find me in a worse day. Yes, just right on my birthday, it came up and got me struggling much, even to sleep fitfully. But always, I believe there's always a meaningful purpose behind all things, including this terrible feeling. 

It provides me the right time to actually reflect, looking back at how I spent 22 years of my life, whether I have done justice to it, or not. 

Well, what can I say? I guess worrisome has been my constant friend, but today, it sounds more like "kegalauan" instead. My indecisiveness kills me most of the time, wasted my time. But I could really feel that I am growing, hopefully towards a better person. Being stubborn is one thing, but I think I acquire a little degree of flexibility in coping with uncertainty (hopefully). 

I realized how naive I have been. I rejected people's ideas although knowing they tried to help simplify my thinking process. I would not like their framework or approach, (as usual) I became very strong-headed, even to just try. Hmmm… 

What I feel most thankful for, is my beloved family and closed ones. I feel so blessed to have them today. Got plenty of new friends, wonderful ones, insightful and inspiring at the same time. My windows of opportunity to gain knowledge are as broad as the horizon, so to lebaufully say. Hahahahaha. 

Thank you, Lord, for the amazing life. It's been a great, great journey with You by my side. 

.....if only you knew..

I quite don't know what else would actually drive you to survive like last night, if not your work. You love it that much, don't you?

Curriculum?

Still related to my suspect on our failing education system, I then remember my conversation with Inaya the other day. We started off with discussion on curriculum, how I, a member of one study in the local university, felt it betrayed me for four years I wasted for very little substantial knowledge. Okay, I might not be the most diligent student back then, I skipped many classes, but it's crazy how many classes I attended did not really contribute to my career today. Hey, not that it's not related to my current occupation, but I don't think it's growing me to certain level in the industry. Okay, it might be too early for me to judge, but seriously, I feel like I could skip all the classes, read a book, then came out just fine. 

Am disappointed with the teachers, with the curriculum itself, I was asking if there's a way I could contribute more. To my surprise, Inaya started telling me the whole system that constituted a curriculum. I couldn't imagine something even more complicated, but I am disappointed knowing that it is the broken skeleton that causes all these.

The system, like many bureaucracy, was not meant for effectiveness. No details could do justice to its complication. In the other hand, the leaders (and the rest of the human resources) was so resistant to change they don't allow critical change to take place even though it's freaking necessary for the future. No road map, no blue print. No single-focused goal to achieve. No wonder it's been like super lenient and blurry these whole times. 

I am surprised to the fact that if I really want a curriculum to work, the grinding work needs to start as basic as the skeleton build. A strong, solid foundation needs to be established, but notwithstanding the right people to run it. 

It sounds cliche and so last year, I know. It's just so unbelievable despite all advancement and wind of change. Still a lot to go. But that's exactly why strong leaders are needed in the country. To work their magic and sweep all the filthy (oh how I sound so rude).

Does Our Education System Fail Us?

In case you haven't figured it out, I realized how 'aggressive' our Indonesian students who studied abroad are (in a best way). Seriously, too many of them came home and had this idea of setting up their own business -which is amazing and heartwarming at one hand. What makes me itchy is the fact that very few Indonesian students who studied in the local universities actually dared to do just that. Very few of us, dare to take risks just to implement all the business plans created out of a school project (means they had been tested and scored). How many of these business students who are actually out there and do their 'stuffs'? I found too many hiding behind the excuse of 'learning from the corporate first, starting up venture later', 'I need to reserve some capital before starting mg own business', etc. Not many have gone creative to loan some money, pitch an investment, or other plans. They don't even want to make the first move. 

In here, people still think that working for multinational company is the way to go. It's the God of the commercial industries. Well, I am included. Not that I want to work for multinational company, but that I don't dare to take those risks, afraid that being a boss of your own thing is not sexy enough because it's not shining in your CV -at least not as shining as working for "Unilever" or "P&G". Stupid me, you can say. But yes, I still believe that building your entrepreneurship should be your last goal in life. Only after you achieve certain level in your career, then you can start your own, with the knowledge and capital you have. 

I am not sure if it's the system that fails us, or the capital of those studying abroad just got into the process. I am leaning to the first option though, really. Why would you spend 3 years in business school just to end up being someone's slave? True that we can gain something out of working for big corporations, but what's holding us back? Why does the knowledge we gained out of college is not enough to start? Why do the business plans stay in your laptop??

Seriously, there's gotta be something wrong. 

Tumben Bijaksana

Life may not have been this (wonderfully) hard. I see people who put real trusts, show great care, and the same time burning passion in a certain degree. Ideally, you can get a golden ticket; get a position where you can develop tremendously; be passionate about the job; create high impact and live wealthy. But that, my friend, is not what I am getting.

I am getting a serious challenge instead; one that I know will contribute much to my maturity. I am faced with a number of options. Great options, by the way. And after thorough deliberation, I am proud that the real dilemma can be narrowed down into three options.

The first one allows me to learn something that I think (at least right now) I am passionate about. I can pursue my dream to create an impact in an organization, through its people. The downside is, the organization has faced a reputation challenge in the past, the one that I feel really irritated about because I am afraid it will ruin mine too. But the promise is high, also is the appreciation, the seriousness, it’s the best.

The second one, allows me to experience “real business”, ups and downs and at the same time, sense of authority – an opportunity to become a real leader, in such young age. It’s going to give me the set skills I need to survive anywhere in my career. The downside is the fact that this is not what I have wanted to master at, which is human development.

The third one is my comfort zone, the place where I know exactly what’s in front of my eyes, including what I will and will not get out of the process. It provides me the chance and work with talented people, which so far has rewarded me with huge positive energy.

Some part of my brain pushes me to go with my pre-determined goal, which is to become a specialist. I badly want to deep dive into something real (something that is not a function). Passion is, without doubt, the torch in this journey.

The other part of me struggled much not to miss an opportunity to become a true leader, warrior and gladiator. In the end, I don’t know. I always end up getting confused. One person asked me to follow my heart (actually everybody did, including myself). Maybe, that is where I shall go.

It’s now a virtue and a curse of being someone who was born as part of generation Y. I aspire big. I hope these opportunities will come at the right time (read: soonest in life).

I was born in the era when people told you to just work according to your passion that you don’t settle for less than the work you love (Steve Jobs). Unfortunately, we fail to recognize the fact that time does its own math and logic. Things don’t fall into places at the wrong time. They do when they think it’s time.

You thought you know what’s ahead of you and what you really, really want. In fact, you might be wrong, for you are not exposed to the “real world” yet. You can be stubborn you want to accelerate every process. You want to fast forward your career to the phase where you enjoy making impactful decision to certain number of people, with great set of challenges that keep you grow or positive energy and rewarding compensation. But hey, we need to know what we need to know.

Processes taught us best. We just need to get through the processes, with patience and continuous hard work, where Napoleon Hill added perspiration and persistence on to the table. 

Only by then, we can find a victory in leading oneself, to allow process take part in the journey. Also to train us to listen to our soul and heart. My journey just gets started. And I’m thrilled beyond words. First step, is definitely to decide what’s next, by following my heart. If I take wrong call, I know I’ll learn much from the process.