How Far, Gadis?

How far should you go when it comes to understanding your spouse? Well, I may not be able to give a perfect answer since I am now trying to deal with the same question myself. But yes, it’s a tough one.

I could say I have sacrificed a lot of things to be with this guy. The biggest one is definitely my ego to be taken care of, to be spoiled, or to be treated like a princess or a lady. And I could say it’s hard. Who doesn’t want to live in fairy tale? Who doesn’t want to be treated best? I bet everyone does. So, I have been lowering my standard of satisfaction. I tried my best to meet his standard, to meet his needs, whatever he considers important, his habits, basically anything, and throw far away my own standard of living; all for nothing but for his love and dedication.

It isn’t complicated, actually. Not as complicated as I might conveyed throughout these times. In fact, it is as easy as the fact that I want him to show some appreciation not by buying me gifts, although it’s more than lovely, but I need a more meaningful action as a payoff. A little tolerance would be just nice. Yet he never gives it away, at least to me.

Just like today, where he barely texted me his whereabouts, and my lecturer abruptly canceled our appointment when I already got to our meeting point, so I got to wander somewhere to kill time. Maybe it’s my fault that I want to be with him so badly, that I expect him to always be there for me. But hey, if he’s available, why wouldn’t you spend time with your beloved?

So I went somewhere to wait for his phone call, which never came. Poor me, he fell asleep, stood me up for more than 3 hours, still thinking that it’s perfectly fine to make me wait another hour. Those kind of things, dude. Those things pissed me off. Is it really hard to take bath real quick and get here in a blink?

Sadly, it happens too many times. He acted just like it’s his privilege to make me waiting. He got furious whenever I said I feel like being treated as a toy, but he has not done anything to make me feel otherwise.

He would say, “Come on. You know I am really tired, I slept very late last night. If you really love me, you wouldn’t complain.” Unfortunately, I am tired too. I don’t think trying to be fast when your girlfriend has been waiting for the past three hours is a sin, a big favor, or anything. It’s just a small gesture you’d do for someone you love. Why do you ask me to understand when you don’t do the same thing? Why should I have bigger heart than you do?

I am really tired. I know perhaps I should just understand, be patient, that’s it. But it’s not easy for someone who has done a lot of things just to make someone happy.