At last

Welcome, at last.

Bahagia yang Sederhana

Ternyata, untuk bahagia itu sederhana.

Sesederhana berkumpul bersama sahabat tercinta.

Terima kasih banyak Amanda Dwyniaputeri dan Yovita Ayu Liwanuru :D

Jakarta, 23-24 Maret, 2012

Weekday Getaway

March 20, 2012.

Puncak.

Short, but perfect.

This is seriously what I need.

Big thanks, girls!

Kemelut Malam Hari

Hati ini sendu. Barang tentu. Tapi aku harap tidak ada penyesalan.

Karena ini yang memang seharusnya menjadi kenyataan. Bukan bunga-bunga di hari kemarin. Bunga-bunga semu.

Bunga yang muncul karena kekaguman yang membabi buta atas dirimu.

Kamu, yang memang berhasil memecah batinku. Sekaligus jiwa yang selama ini kuanggap kokoh sempurna.

Kamu memang berbeda. Tapi kamu bukan segalanya.

Kamu berhasil buat aku jadi orang yang berbeda, dan itulah kuncinya.

Sudah pasti aku kalut dengan kepergianmu ini. Terlalu tiba-tiba. Tetapi tidak juga.

Biarlah, memang ini yang harus terjadi. Aku memang perlu mengetahui kekuranganku. Tetapi lebih daripada itu, yang terpenting adalah bagaimana bangkit dan memerangi semuanya. Kamu terus memojokkan aku begini dan begitu. Dan cukup lah rasanya.

Kurasa memang aku bukan yang pantas untuk orang sepertimu. Orang yang sibuk dengan urusan negara, dan menganggap hal lain tak berarti. Orang yang sibuk mengagumi wanita lain di kala aku mengusahakan waktuku yang sempit untukmu.

Pedih, tapi biarlah. Pasti ini ada baiknya. Untuk aku, kamu. Untuk kita.

Aku Ingin

Few weeks ago, Jerry sent me a link to youtube that reminded me of my favorite poem.

"Aku Ingin" by Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan kayu

kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan

kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

...

Aku...

Aku hanya ingin mencintaimu tanpa penilaian yang dibentuk dunia, yang tak jarang menghakimi.

I can't stop loving you - Lisa Ono

I can't stop loving you.

I've made up my mind.

To live in memory of the lonesome times.

I can't stop wanting you.

It's useless to say.

So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday.

Those happy hours that we once knew.

Tho' long ago, they still make me blue.

They say that time heals a broken heart.

But time stood still since we've been apart.

Naif.

Aku tidaklah bodoh.
Aku hanya lugu.

Aku hanya naif.

Aku hanya percaya pada kekuatan romantisme cinta yang sebenarnya tak ada.

Setidaknya di dunia ini.

Aku hanya berusaha mempercayai kamu.

Percaya bahwa kamu bukan seperti sosok yang banyak dibicarakan orang.

Tapi mengapa kamu begitu tega melukai hati seorang perempuan biasa?

Perempuan yang mengharap pada ketulusan dan kebenaran.

Aku hanya menanti sesosok ksatria.

Yang mungkin tidak akan pernah muncul.

Karena ksatria semacam itu hanya ada dalam negeri dongeng.

Dongeng hanya aku yang tahu.

Dongeng yang aku bangun sejak dulu.

Torturing Feeling

Every of people living on earth, for certain, or at least most likely, hopes what he/she wishes becomes true. And the very same people would hope that what he/she believes to be true is indeed true. Same here. I have been believing that what I had was true. That the love I found was true.

I keep on believing that he is the right person, that he is someone I can share my life with, someone I can rely on, someone I can trust, someone who would never take any advantage of me. Well, although the last one was most questionable, but I tried my best not to judge him because of two main reasons: (1) It was never my habit to judge without proving the judgement myself and (2) I love him truly thus I was lost in my irrationality.

Such a shame that it should take some magic to let my brain work together my heart because they are just going in contrast ways.

***

We all have our biases. Many times, we just want to hear what we want to hear, those news related to us, those news confirming our beliefs and faith. Same here, again.

I know how I should get away from him. How I should never trust guys just like that. But I can't. Simply just can't. How would you ever let somebody you love go away just because he's a jerk? Well, if my brain were performing well, of course it wouldn't be that hard. But Gadis is known for how her heart is performing much more often that she ignores her brain in that same amount. So, even myself can't push me to follow what my brain says.

***

I should go. I really should. Will you let me to?

***

It is a true and innocent feeling I have inside. It is not polluted yet, not with any lust or temptation. What I have for you was true. It will stay true. But it is time to let you go.

The Same Old Story

My life is in such a mess. I had another fight with my Dad, only after few days of reconciliation when he finally talked to me again (after more than a month in silence). And it was for the same old story. That he always forbid me going out too late for couple of days in a row, especially when I used the car. He thought that it was because of the car, because of the facility that he gave, then I became that kind of a person. The fact is, it wasn’t. With or without the facility, I will still go my way for I am a freeman inside. I do what I want to do.

Tell me I am perfidious. I do not care. No one knows my misery. No one knows what I am going through. Neither does my Dad. What he knew was that I wasted money and energy and time to just chitchatting with my friends. Even if it was true, come on, I am not a dumb person who would dedicate my whole life only for hanging out with my friends and all that. I know what I am. I know what I want. And I know how to achieve it.

If I really do not know, I would not achieve what I have achieved until today. I am not going to brag about my achievements or anything. But I have walked quite far to be who I am today and still no appreciation coming from his mouth! The only thing he ever said was that I AM A LOSER because I betrayed his trust by letting me use the car. WHAT A NONSENSE.

HE SHOULD LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE. He should learn how to be thankful for having me and not the other way around like what it always used to be. I am tired of having a less-appreciative father who COMPLAINS all the time and never APPRECIATES. And I am more than tired of having A SILENT FATHER who never talks to his kiddos, nor LISTEN AND HAVE OPEN DISCUSSIONS everytime we had problems. I am exhausted of having a father who never gives any advice for my future career, life, or anything but cares about other people surround him.