Can You? by Nicholas Guillen

Can you sell me the air as it slips through your fingers As it slaps at your face and untidies your hair? Perhaps you could sell me fivepennyworth of wind or more, perhaps sell me a storm? Perhaps the elegant air you would sell me, that air (not all of it) which trips around your garden, from corolla to corolla in your garden for the birds tenpenceworth of elegant air.
	The air spins and goes by in a butterfly Belongs to no-one, no-one.
Can you sell me the sky the sky sometimes blue or grey sometimes a strip of your sky the bit you think you bought with the trees of your garden, as one buys the roof with the house? Can you sell me a dollar of sky, two miles of sky, a slice, whatever you can of your sky?
	The sky is in the clouds The clouds go by Belong to no-one, no-one.
Can you sell me rain, the water given to you by your tears, and moistening your tongue? Can you sell me a dollar of water from a spring, a gravid cloud crinkly and soft as sheep or perhaps rainwater up in the mountains or the water from puddles left for the dogs or a stretch of sea, maybe a lake, a hundred dollars of lake
	Water falls, rolls on. Water rolls on, goes by. Belongs to no-one, no-one.
Can you sell me the earth, the deep night of the roots, teeth of dinosaurs and the lime dispersed from distant skeletons? Can you sell me forests lying buried, birds that are dead fishes of stone, the sulphur of volcanoes, a thousand million years twisting their way up? Can you sell me the earth, can you sell me the earth, can you?
	Your earth is mine Trodden by everyone's feet Belongs to no-one, no-one.

Nicolas Guillen (Cuba)

Losing The Grip

After all been said and done, I just felt so relieved. True that I have been an idiot, dumb ass, conceived, stubborn, and imperfect little girl, not to mention, immature and childish, in handling many things that have been going on. Just like a chart, my mood was, hitting the roof and the floor at the small period of time, with laughs and tears as the souls.

I realized how imperfect I am, and that is just so disappointing, knowing that you really have much to reach before pursuing your happiness, and most importantly before creating some for people around you. That was how imperfect I felt. And I was so disappointed.

I could say that I am losing my writing ability too. I just put a pile of words, without even knowing what to say. I am losing my grip, am losing my own self. Critiques coming from all directions, good and bad, but what to expect? I am losing me. A me that I built so hard all these times. A me that I thought was okay. A me that I have been dreaming to be.

Why am I so imperfect, then? Why this and why that?

Why am I being hurt? What is wrong with me now? What's next?

I am tired of this negativity inside me. I just want to change and be happy. But how?

Can't I just put off this jacket and leave? Can't I? Why can't I?

At the moment, I feel so relieved, yet down. I just want to run and run and run till I find somebody to live forever with. And I want to hold on, get me a grip, and never leave.

I had enough, I had too much.

Love for Jovita :)

This morning might be a bit wrecked as I am so sleepy and lazy, got no mood to anything besides cuddling with my bed (haha sounds so pathetic, but that is extremely true). Nonetheless, I feel so thankful to have such wonderful friends surround me who are there for each other in times of trouble.

Deep condolences for Jovi and her love bird. Good thing is, we actually met up only to listen to her story and cheer her up. It was around 30 mins or so, but the love was there for her. In the midst of our busy days (Dika, Fany, and I with our internship; Jovi, Ignes with the compass whatsoever; and Ulo -psst- with his remarkable life and drama haha) we allocated time to meet up, finally.

So, there were we, in Fany's house, chit chat to catch up what we've been missing for the whole time. And I am so proud with us all, despite our struggles and problems (with money, parents, or boyfriend) we're still there to show our compassion for the gank haha.

I know it's no joke, what we have.

Love ya all,

Gadis :*

Hugs for everyone! Cheers!

Tick Tock

Am now counting my last days in the office. It will be in another few weeks, but I believe time will fly in a blink of an eye. I enjoyed the environment. But there will be time to say goodbye.

Will definitely miss :

*Putri Roostamadji aka Wida Pramudita

*Ayuta Arya

*Amalia Belmika

*Aziz Hasibuan

*Ryan Cipto

*Tania Hapsari

*Nila Marita

*Wulan Suling

*Reza Setiawan

*The rest of the gentlemen and great women :D

Orange Fever!

Happy Independence Day everyone :)

I know it's over by now, but well, the joy is still here.

Or to be precise, the feeling is still here.

Missing somebody identical with orange. Haha.

Kepastian

Rasanya super campur aduk hari ini. Gado-gado abis. Dari yang tadi pagi rasanya pengen makan orang saking keselnya, nahan-nahan air mata dan hidung yang kepingin bersin terus gara-gara stress berkepanjangan kebanyakan kerjaan, eeh ternyata hari ini diakhiri dengan super puas ketawa-ketawa bersama rekan kerja tercinta.

Saya tahu kekeluargaan memang dijunjung tinggi di kantor ini. Kita dibuat seolah berada bersama kerabat terdekat, teman bercerita dan berbagi suka duka. Tapi kadang itu tidak cukup. Setumpuk pekerjaan yang senantiasa menemani dan merongrong otak hingga terasa seperti terbakar membuat teman-teman yang luar biasa baik ini tidak cukup menghibur. Air mata tetap saja memenuhi bola mata tanpa bisa menerobos keluar karena tertahan urat malu.

Tapi setelah semua kerjaan itu beres, pasti teman-teman itu yang membuat suasana hati gundah gulana jadi kembali ceria bak kembalinya sang surya selepas hujan mengusik jiwa.

Apa iya saya akan kembali? Untuk pekerjaannya atau untuk keluarganya? Atau untuk yang lainnya? Saya pun kembali tak tahu. Yang pasti, ini semua cobaan sang Ilahi. Bersabar kemudian jadi kunci jawabannya. Walaupun kesal, saya yakin, semua ini pasti ada gunanya. Selain ada penyesalan karena hal yang kita lakukan, pasti ada hasil baik yang bisa kita panen. Pasti itu, Pasti.

(Curhatan hari Selasa, 16 Agustus 2011)

Siapa Tahu?

Mungkin memang sudah saatnya saya punya pacar, atau mungkin tidak juga. Saya memang merasa nyaman dengan kehidupan saat ini, tidak lagi berkoar-koar membutuhkan pacar layaknya perempuan yang tak punya harapan. Tapi itu tidak berarti bahwa saya akan sendirian untuk seterusnya. Memang selalu ada kerinduan untuk berhubungan lagi dengan orang lain, tapi saya tidak ingin tergesa-gesa memutuskan, dan pada akhirnya menyesal karena hubungan yang saya coba bangun tidak berhasil. Saya pikir, dikelilingi para sahabat dan teman-teman yang amat suportif cukup membuat saya bahagia, tanpa perlu sosok lain yang bisa saja membuat situasi tambah keruh.

Entah apa yang membuat saya menulis semua ini. Yang pasti, kemarin saya memutuskan untuk bertemu dengan seseorang yang baru saya kenal lebih kurang satu minggu. Saya berbunga-bunga oleh perbincangan yang terlewat, keramahan yang ditunjukkan, serta keintiman yang kami bagi lewat semua perbicangan itu. Beberapa saat sebelum saya bertemu dengannya, saya pikir inilah saatnya untuk membuka hati bagi seseorang yang baru.

Di sanalah saya, menghabiskan waktu bersamanya dan teman-temannya. Dan di sana pulalah saya sadar, bahwa dia bukan orang yang saya nanti-nantikan. Keramahan itu memang saya rasakan, tapi tidak sekuat yang saya rasakan ketika kami berbincang tanpa tatap muka. Bisa dibilang, keintiman itu juga sedikit luntur karena banyaknya orang yang harus saya ajak bicara kala itu.

Pagi hari ketika saya bangun kemarin, saya habiskan dengan berpikir bahwa malam yang sama ketika saya pulang, saya mungkin akan berada satu tahap lebih dekat dengan orang tersebut. Atau mungkin dengan sesosok lain yang juga saya temui siang itu. Nyatanya, keduanya bukan sosok yang saya nantikan. Dan saya pulang dengan harapan yang pupus.

Walaupun begitu, harapan pupus tidak membuat saya sedih. Selalu ada sisi positif di setiap kejadian yang telah lalu. Saya merasa senang tidak memaksakan perasaan ini untuk siapapun. Saya ingin mempersembahkannya untuk seseorang yang memang pantas mendapatkannya.

Saya tak pernah tahu kemana hati ini akan membawa, mungkin ke salah satu dari kedua sosok itu, atau ke tempat lain yang tak pernah terbersit sekalipun sebelumnya.

Siapa tahu?

London Calling

Looking at how Callum and Jonathan experienced an afternoon with Jamie Oliver in Masterchef Australia just make my heart feels like bloating, meaning that I don’t know what more to say to explain how huge my desire is to go to Europe.

I am so going to fight from now on. Just to get there. I promise myself I would.

Ibu Pertiwi

Indonesia tanah air beta,

Pusaka abadi nan jaya.

Indonesia sejak dulu kala,

Tetap di puja-puja bangsa.

Di sana tempat lahir beta,

Dibuai dibesarkan Bunda.

Tempat berlindung di hari tua.

Sampai akhir ku menutup mata.

Salut saya kepada sang penyair yang telah menuliskan lirik terindah ini. Lagu ini, bagi saya, menggambarkan perasaan yang sebenarnya terhadap tanah air ini, yang walaupun selama ini telah saya hujat karena oknum-oknum tidak bertanggung jawab yang merajalela menghancurkan segalanya, tetapi tidak ingin saya tinggalkan selamanya.

Di sini tempat saya dilahirkan, tempat saya berpijak pertama kali dan mengenal dunia. Di sini tempat saya dibesarkan, tempat saya belajar nilai-nilai kehidupan. Di sini pula lah tempat saya ingin dibaringkan di peristirahatan yang terakhir, tempat nenek moyang saya berkelana dan berteduh sepanjang hidupnya.

Jiwa itu ada di dalam saya.

Sejauh apapun saya melangkah, ingatan itu akan terus ada. Dan ingatan saya akan kearifan bangsa yang tak ternilai lah yang akan membawa saya kembali di sini, ibu pertiwi.

Hooked

Ternyata, rasa itu ada dalam darahku, begitu kuat jantungku memompa, sampai-sampai alirannya bisa kurasakan menghantam dinding-dinding tubuh, menyuruh otakku untuk memikirkannya lagi dan lagi.

Ya, aku ingin sekali beranjak dari sini. Tak ada lagi rangkaian kata yang bisa menggambarkan betapa rindunya aku menginjak dataran Eropa, atau menghirup udara kebebasan Amerika.

Rasa ini menghentak, menghujam dada, pun menguras air mata. Begitu kuat rasanya. Akankah aku bisa menyulam raga untuk berlari kemana hatiku pergi?

Kuharap bisa, tentunya.

It's been such a week. Or maybe it's been such a day. I feel so tired, I feel like I am about to burst.

tumblr :)

Probably, my blog has been wondering where I have been in the past few weeks, since I was so inactive in posting anything for that period of time. Well, besides panicking in the office, I also developed a new tumblr :) (I've lost it the last time)

So, welcome to my other soul where my passion has stranded.

www.pretzelandbagel.tumblr.com

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when it's open.

-Desi Anwar

can't stop doing it :p

I did not now at first that I could think that much. But that was of no importance. What concerns me the most is the fact that there are lots to think about. Instead of mourning for what you don't have, what you can't do, what you can't reach, you are given the capacity to think what you can do at the moment for your surroundings. WE are given the opportunity to pay back to the society. Not to pay huge things at one time, but to contemplate deeply of small things so that we can start gathering friends and colleagues to tell them what we think. And to kindly ask them for their help to change the world we're living in.

I put my thoughts for education, poverty, for this country, for my goals and purpose of life. I thought about many many things. In fact, I love the time I gave away for thinking every detail of it. It became my hobby before I even realized.

I really wish I could do something concrete. I really do.