mixed up

As I am about to leave Singapore in a near distant future, every time I did nothing, I used the time to contemplate on every single thing happened in my life, be it recently, be it long long time ago. Looking back at how far I have gone, I hardly believe that it happened so quickly and unpredictably, in a way that I felt so mixed up, confused of what to feel actually.

I know I should be thankful, and I am. I am thankful for God's bless that I had every precious opportunity behind, it included not only the ups, but also the downs of course. However, I don't really know what kind of feeling I have inside. I feel so mixed up, I really do.

I don't even know what I am writing now. I just feel like writing. I feel like thanking God for this wonderful life I am in. I have no idea what kind of road I will have next. I just know that He is with me all the time. He set everything I need, set, I should say, because He already planned every thing even before I was born.

I believe that nothing is coincidence. Every thing happens for a reason. And God is the director behind everything. Every road will show us something. Every up or down will reveal His work. The insights that He wanted us to know at the very first place.

To be honest,

I've been thinking about these two guys recently.

One, was definitely the one that I barely let go off of my mind. Every time I told myself that I was over him, I dreamed of him. Always. That kinda told me that I hadn't got over him at all.

The other one, was the one that I knew very well that I wanted to ask him to come over, because I knew exactly places I wanted him to visit with me. But it was such an impossible thing to do due to the-so-called-situation.

It is hard.

It is mixed up.

God, please show me Your way.