pathetic me

i have found my biggest point of weaknesses.

it's when i fall for someone.

i become someone else.

i become possesive. too sensitive.

too too sensitive!

i think about that person too much.

in every step, in every way.

i think about him.

every little thing reminds me to him,

that is why i begin to think about him all the time.

but the problem is, the more i think,

the negative side get closer.

i think about his feelings. would he fall for me or not?

or

would he think about me as well?

or 

would he do something sweet for me?

anything!

i'm trapped in my own vision.

i would think that i care too much for the person.

and i get nothing in return.

it happens. twice.

i become too sensitive,

because i want to get closer and closer.

i want to be taken care.

i want to be looked after.

i want to be loved in return!

actually, 

i dont know what im doing.

am i stupid?

yes, i reckon.

i dont want to sweat those stuffs.

i dont think it's necessary either.

but, my heart and my brain do not cooperate well.

i am bringing my feelings over all.

my feelings get the spell on me

so that i can't do anything but follow inner heart.

and it made me lose two persons that are precious

and so valuable in my life.

today,

i was depressed.

i can't hide i was stressed out!

i feel so empty

when i lose my best friend that was close to me.

you know,

usually, he used to tell me, to tell everything to him.

if i feel sad, or happy, or anything.

i can have him as someone to rely on.

but now, 

i have nowhere to go.

and that makes me totally upset today.

i was brokenhearted.

like my heart being smashed to pieces.

i can't stand the fact that my friend didn't want me to have contact with him.

for me, it solves no problem at all.

pathetic, rite?

and i keep crying everytime i remember that.

although i've been trying so hard not to cry.

it's my fault.

so i have to face it.

responsible with it.

be tough

be the real me.