i should have taken it slow

Boy im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, 
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

pathetic me

i have found my biggest point of weaknesses.

it's when i fall for someone.

i become someone else.

i become possesive. too sensitive.

too too sensitive!

i think about that person too much.

in every step, in every way.

i think about him.

every little thing reminds me to him,

that is why i begin to think about him all the time.

but the problem is, the more i think,

the negative side get closer.

i think about his feelings. would he fall for me or not?

or

would he think about me as well?

or 

would he do something sweet for me?

anything!

i'm trapped in my own vision.

i would think that i care too much for the person.

and i get nothing in return.

it happens. twice.

i become too sensitive,

because i want to get closer and closer.

i want to be taken care.

i want to be looked after.

i want to be loved in return!

actually, 

i dont know what im doing.

am i stupid?

yes, i reckon.

i dont want to sweat those stuffs.

i dont think it's necessary either.

but, my heart and my brain do not cooperate well.

i am bringing my feelings over all.

my feelings get the spell on me

so that i can't do anything but follow inner heart.

and it made me lose two persons that are precious

and so valuable in my life.

today,

i was depressed.

i can't hide i was stressed out!

i feel so empty

when i lose my best friend that was close to me.

you know,

usually, he used to tell me, to tell everything to him.

if i feel sad, or happy, or anything.

i can have him as someone to rely on.

but now, 

i have nowhere to go.

and that makes me totally upset today.

i was brokenhearted.

like my heart being smashed to pieces.

i can't stand the fact that my friend didn't want me to have contact with him.

for me, it solves no problem at all.

pathetic, rite?

and i keep crying everytime i remember that.

although i've been trying so hard not to cry.

it's my fault.

so i have to face it.

responsible with it.

be tough

be the real me.

3 hari untuk selamanya

terinspirasi oleh film 3 hari untuk selamanya,

gw punya satu 'dream' lagi yang pengen gw realisasikan.

pergi bersama seseorang yang dikasihi (haha) ke suatu tempat yang cukup jauh

naik mobil

beberapa hari (3 hari ok :)

sumpah gw pengen banget yang namanya ngobrol sampe bosen,

cerita segala macem. dari ribut sampe ga ada topik

dengerin lagu sepanjang jalan.

pasti akhirnya lo jadi deket sama orang itu. ato lo berantem hahahaha

but it's gonna be fun!

apalagi kalo misalnya lo pergi sama orang yang lo sayang

kebayang ga sih gimana serunya???

aaaaaaaaah

bener2 pengen 3 hari untuk selamanya nih

dengerin float sepanjang jalan

well, ini postingan yang paling ga penting.

tapi gw bener2 pengen banget pergi kaya gituuuuuuuuu :)

amigos por siempre

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together




THIS IS APPARENTLY DESCRIBING THE CIRCUMSTANCES

im lonesome :( especially tonight

Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But Id rather go on hearing your lies
Than go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare and Im standing there
With emptiness all around
And if you wont come back to me
Then make them bring the curtain down.

hate it loner

apa sih rasanya punya orang-orang yang ngaku care sama lo, 

tapi sebenernya they dont care about you at all?

nothing.

gw ngerasain itu sekarang.

everyone saying bullshit. or any kind of excuses.

but im totally fed up for those.

s.u.c.k.

Udah empat hari ini gw sensi. Iya nih, semenjak hari minggu gw jadi super sensi. 

Sunday   : a total ruined day, tapi udah ditutup dengan ketawa ketiwi lagi
Monday  : rasa bosan dan  males mulai datang, tapi gw mencoba nutup2in

Tuesday : asli gw maleees banget. dan sebenernya ini sih, hari dimana gw mulai membuka 'luka hati gw lagi..
Wednesday : okay, gw males. gw males hidup. gw lagi di tahap setengah hampa!

well, di hari selasa itu gw seneeeeng (at first).. pulang praktikum gw bercanda2 sama temen2 kaya biasa. just like usual. terus gw juga melakukan sesuatu yang menyenangkan bareng mereka. so everything was like, normal.  sampe gw pulang sama nyokap gw.

di jalan, kita ngomongin soal kunci rumah yang dibawa sama kakak gw. 

mulailah pembicaraan bahwa kakak gw ga responsible bla bla bla bla

dan gw mulai mengorek2 lagi sakit hati gw pas hari minggu (gw berantem sama dia, quite terrible)

gw mulai lagi membicarakan sikapnya dia yang selalu bikin gw sakit hati : ga pernah tanggung jawab sama barang orang lain. fick dich. gw terus langsung ngomong ke nyokap gw betapa gw ga suka sama kelakuannya dia yang kaya gitu. bla bla bla

dan nyokap gw malah nyeletuk :

"tuh kan kamu, yang masalah baju (jaman dulu) kan udah selesai. kenapa dibahas lagi sih? tuh bener aja, kamu emang selalu nyimpen dendam. ga boleh gitu dong gadis, ga baik. dendam itu akar kepahitan. justru itu yang bikin kamu jadi sakit. ga pernah recover."

and i replied,
"tapi kan aku bukan manusia sempurna? kertas aja kalo ditulis, terus diapus sama penghapus sebersih apapun suka ada bekasnya. sedikit ato banyak. apalagi hati orang lain? aku kan bukan Tuhan. pasti adalah sakit hati."

my mom then stood in silent. then she said, 
"jadi orang baik itu emang susah. kita selalu harus maafin orang yang kita benci. tapi yaudah, maafin lah. ga baik nyimpen dendam sama orang lain."

gw mencoba nahan air mata. tapi air matanya terus keluar dari mata gw, tapi tanpa ekspresi. gw mencoba untuk nahan sekuat tenaga. tapi yang ada malah leher gw serasa tercekat gitu.

abis itu gw diem sepanjang jalan. gw merenung. gw selalu mengulang2 semua kejadian itu di kepala gw.

gimana gw selalu berusaha untuk baik sama kakak gw, tapi dia ga pernah berusaha baik ke gw. dia selalu iseng, egois, dan ga peduli apa2 tentang gw..

dan yang paling parah, dia ga pernah mikir kalo dia ada di posisi gw..

udah berapa kali sih, gw selalu ngiri sama dia?

gw pernah bertanya sama Tuhan. 

semua yang bagus2 udah dikasih ke dia, dan kenapa gw masih harus terus2an ngalah sama dia?

terakhir, pas gw cerita lagi ke nyokap gw betapa gw selalu berusaha baik sama dia, nyokap gw cuma diem aja sepanjang detik2 setelah gw cerita, dan malah ngalihin pembicaraan.

di situ gw ngerasa 'deg' banget.

gw ngerasa ga punya siapa2. gw ngerasa keseeeeeel banget.

kenapa ga ada orang yang berusaha ngertiin dan nenangin gw ya?

even my best friends, or boyfriend. 

kayanya mereka semua sibuk sama hidup mereka masing2.

i felt a deep dissapointment, ya know.

gw cape sama hidup gw. sama orang2 di sekeliling gw.

i just want to get a new life,

meet new person.

dan ga perlu deket2 lagi sama orang yang kerjanya bikin gw mengucap kata2 kotor ataupun emosi tingkat tinggi.

why it should be me?

again and again?

yaudahlah, gw ga mau nyalahin Tuhan karena gw ada di posisi ini.

tapi apa bisa, Tuhan memberikan sesuatu untuk membuat gw bahagia di hari hari terakhir ini?

karena gw udah muak berhampa2 ria.

gw udah muak marah2. 

gw udah muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak

gw pengen hidup tenang.

bahagia.

i dont want to be such a jerk.

(im feeling that im one)

semua orang bisa aja ngatain gw gini, ato gitu.

dan sebenernya mereka tau ga sih, kalo gw juga pengen jadi orang baik.

orang paling baik sedunia?

punya a fine life, with a fine bf, fine friends.

gw juga pengen punya hidup yang normal. just like everybody did.

bukan mau gw untuk jadi seperti ini.

and maybe the would easily said,

"ini tuh semuanya lo yang mulai. kalo emang dari dasarnya lo ga kepengen, pasti juga ga bakal kejadian."

it's true, emang, i admit it as well.

gw juga ga mau sok membela diri.

gw ga bisa meliihat kesempatan.

sekalinya gw lagi down, dan gw liat ada kesempatan, gw pasti langsung tancep tanpa banyak mikir.

dan satu hal lagi yang gw sadari selain itu,

gw tuh dulu pemikirannya terbalik sama orang2.

menurut gw ini biasa, menurut orang lain luar biasa.

dan yang justru gw pikir aman, ternyata buat orang lain ga aman.

so yaudah.

semuanya udah terlanjur.

sekarang gimana cara memperbaikinya aja. dan itu jauh lebih susah. 

ya know, preventing is much easier than curing, rite?

so, its me now.

kesusahan untuk mengubah pola hidup gw..

sucks.