The Only Reason

You are the sunshine of my lifeThat's why I'll always be aroundYou are the apple of my eyeForever you'll stay in my heart

I feel like this is the beginningThough I've loved you for a million yearsAnd if I thought our love was endingI'd find myself drowning in my own tears

You are the sunshine of my lifeThat's why I'll always stay aroundYou are the apple of my eyeForever you'll stay in my heart

You must have known that I was lonelyBecause you came to my rescueAnd I know that this must be HeavenHow could so much love be inside of you?

You are the sunshine of my life, yeahThat's why I'll always stay aroundYou are the apple of my eyeForever you'll stay in my soul

You are the sunshine of my life, babyThat's why I'll stay aroundCan't stop livingYou are the apple of my eye

It's Just a Matter of Time

It's just a matter of time. 

Ini semua hanyalah masalah waktu. Aku dan kamu. Dengan semua perasaan-perasaan yang begitu sulit dijelaskan di antara kita. Walau bagaimanapun aku berusaha mempertahankan semuanya, meyakinkan kamu perasaan yang aku miliki, kamu tidak akan dapat percaya. Setelah semua yang terjadi, apa lagi yang ada padaku? Aku tidak ada di dalam posisi dapat membela diri, apapun yang terjadi. Kesalahan di masa lalu akan terus menggerogoti hatimu, dan membuat kamu kehilangan kepercayaanmu padaku. Tapi itu bukan salahmu, sayang. Aku yang salah. Aku yang membuat kamu sampai begitu adanya. Jadi ini konsekuensinya. Dan aku terima.

Hidup telah sulit adanya. Kita tidak akan pernah bisa menyatu dalam gelombang yang berbeda. Aku rela mengobrak-abrik jutaan definisi untuk menyamakannya denganmu, tapi semuanya sudah terlambat kini. Aku telah mati di hatimu. Aku bunuh diri di sana sejak awal bulan lalu.

Aku tidak tahu bagaimana menjelaskan semua ini. Mungkin dengan menertawakan diri sendiri, atau meratapi kepergian kamu. Tapi aku tidak mau itu. Aku mau berdiri tegar dan membuktikan bahwa aku bukan manusia yang sia-sia.

Unexpected Blessings

Picture does tell thousands, even millions of words.

Life Issues

It was only yesterday that I found out a very bitter truth. I changed. A lot. At least according to my best friend, Jerry. I kinda sensed it though, even without that much of explanation. Yet, I do not really know why. And perhaps why does not matter anymore now. What matter are how I would get myself together, stand on my knee, and stay grounded. 

I feel lost. So lost that I feel like I do not know myself anymore. I do not know what I like, what I do not, what my principles are, what I want to do, what I am supposed to do. I am literally clueless. I have been wasting every of my time since I got back here. Life without purpose, if I am allowed to say. And these. All of these, are something that I never expected before. Ever. 

I thought Europe will give me inspiration of life. It indeed gave me a list of insights of life, yet it does not help me find what I want in life and how I am going to make it come true. 

So I am stuck. Again. For I do not recall how many times in my life because there were too much times like this. I keep on making mistakes, I keep on disappointing people around me, and Jerry even told me that my words were destructive. What a strong statement it was. 

Wew, life is tough. I know I would need sometime to step back, withdraw my presence from my surrounding and take my time to reflect and be a think thank but that is not how it goes. Life and time never allow you to take a break. It goes on. Like it or not. 

Well, I am still confused why I am putting all these into words. Thought it might help. Turned out to be different. Oh, I really have issues. 

Shit scared.

For once, all I want to do is to stay in this relationship. With you. For whatever reason it may be. I no longer care. 

Yet, at the very same time, it feels like all entities are against us. Really, I am not exaggerating things in here. But it seems like everything in the universe conspires to separate you from me. 

I wake up each morning and am afraid that you will be taken away from me no matter what. Thus I begin to wonder if I really have this loving feeling for you and vice versa. If yes, then why all of these are happening? Why is it so hard to be together? 

Thankful.

Been through rough patches of life, believe me. Eurotrip was overwhelming in one hand, but unforgettable in the other. Meeting new people, nice and bad ones; getting together again with old friends, and a lot of other important things -- oh, Europe is just indescribable. 

All I can say, I have a lot of life lessons after I touchdown Jakarta. Even until today. 

All I know, life is full of blessings. Bumpy roads mean nothing as God will make a way for everything. 

Thank you all for the love and wonderful relationships. 

Anger or Misery?

I think people are just full of bullshits (perhaps I am included). Oh, no. Not bullshits. Just ego. Because, call me naive, but I always believe in true love. That love can conquer all. Any kind of problems, as long as we have love, then love shall prevail. As naive as I can be, I still stick to it till today. Probably till tomorrow, or till forever. Or not anymore. I don't know.

What I know know is that when people are filled with these egos, then they forget how to love. They betray the love itself, for what they believe will give them pride whatsoever.

Wait. No, it's probably not the egos that turn people to deny love. They do not have love. They do not understand love. They know nothing about love. They do not care about love. They are hypocrites. They claim to love, but they actually do not. 

Because I strongly believe that true love does exist. Love that cares to give, to sacrifice, to nurture. Not the one that imposes, break, or damage one's heart. Not the love that revolves around physical contact. People with ego who do not want to die for love, then should just go away.