nauseated

sumpah. hari ini gw muak banget. banget banget. gw udah cape ya berantem berkali2 sama nyokap gara2 masalah yang sama.

gw tau gw ga jago, gw tau gw bego. tapi gw pengen coba. gw pengen tau kemampuan gw sampe dimana.

jelas2 udah tau kalo gw paling ga bisa nahan emosi. masih aja tereak2 panik kaya gitu. siapa juga yang ga muak?

gw udah mencoba berkali2 untuk nahan. gw diem. tapi teteeeep aja diceramahin.

yaudah, mau ga mau akhirnya gw tereak.

i know it's not polite, saying something whacking in front of her face.

but i couldnt help it anymore. gw udah di batas kesabaran gw, ketika akhirnya gw tereak tanpa terkontrol lagi..

gw kesel. kenapa juga dia ga mau ngerti sih? kalo gw itu di masa2 penasaran. gw pengen coba.

udah jelas2 tau, gw tuh tipe orang yang ditampar dulu baru bilang, "oh iya ya, ditampar itu sakit" tapi masiiiih aja.. keukeuh marah2..

cape tau ga sih.. 

gw ga berpengalaman, baru berapa bulan sih gw nyetir? itu pun ga tiap hari!

jadi jangan samain pengalaman gw sama orang yang udah 20 tahun nyetir dong!

gw baru ketemu sekali dua kali pengalaman kaya gitu, yaudah.

kenapa sih suka banget mempermalukan gw depan orang banyak? supaya semua orang tau kalo gw bego? emang kenapa kalo gw bego di jalan? orang2 lain aja ga ada yang marah2!
gw udah ga tahan banget deh. gw capeee kaya gini terus..

mau pergiiiiiiii!

the inconvenient truth

yesterday, perhaps i was facing a really inconvenient truth.

a truth that smacked my hope down.

initially, i didn't want to open my heart for such thing like love.

i have hurted enough. and i don't want to feel anything painful like that, at least for the rest of this year, or the upcoming year.

but, unfortunately, brokenhearted is something we can't hide of, or something we can avoid.

it's just happened to me. and i need to face it, whether i like it or not.

well, i opened my heart for someone whom at first i never thought i could fall for.

i wasn't sure how did it come to me.

at first, i was so careful not to open it for anyone.

but at last, i can't deny. i have fallen for someone.

and when i realized there were something entering me, 

i should deal with the fact that it can't be exactly like i've always wanted.

it is a dead end.

the funny thing is, i cried.

mm, that's something i didn't expect.

i thought i was gonna be fine. but then i didn't.

i tried to run away, make distance,

but i simply can't.

because now, i get stuck on it. and can't turn back easily.

the face remained. in my head.